The chart below gives information about global population percentages and distribution of wealth by region.

The chart below gives information about global population percentages and distribution of wealth by region.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given graph illustrates the proportion of
population
Use synonyms
and
wealth
Use synonyms
distribution
Use synonyms
in a certain number of areas in the world. Looking at an
overall
Linking Words
perspective, it seems evident that North America has the most significant contribution to global prosperity
although
Linking Words
its
population
Use synonyms
is the second lowest.
However
Linking Words
, an opposite figure can be seen in India. Regarding the chart,
although
Linking Words
the
population
Use synonyms
of North America is not considerable, at only 5%, its contribution to
wealth
Use synonyms
is the greatest, at approximately 35%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, India and Africa have the smallest
distribution
Use synonyms
, at 2 per cent
whereas
Linking Words
their proportion of the
population
Use synonyms
is 15 and 10% respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
, the percentage of the two categories in Latin America is similar, with around 5 per cent for the
population
Use synonyms
and 2% lower than that for
wealth
Use synonyms
. Turning to the other regions, there are 15% of the
population
Use synonyms
in Europe, much smaller than the figure for
wealth
Use synonyms
distribution
Use synonyms
, at 30%, the second highest among the 8 areas.
This
Linking Words
is followed by Rich Asia Pacific, with nearly 25% for
wealth
Use synonyms
and 20% lower than
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the percentage of dwellers. China has the highest
population
Use synonyms
, at 25%
while
Linking Words
its global
wealth
Use synonyms
is less than 5%.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the proportion of
wealth
Use synonyms
distribution
Use synonyms
in the other Asia Pacific is similar to China, its
population
Use synonyms
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
about 15%, lower than 10% compared to the highest one.
Submitted by lethomnam on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, wealth, distribution with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: