IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The table and graph below show information about cinema visits in Auckland between 1995 and 2003. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table and graph below show information about cinema visits in Auckland between 1995 and 2003. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The two figures illustrate the changes in
cinema
Use synonyms
 visits in four
age
Use synonyms
 groups in Auckland from 1995 to 2003. It is obvious that the trend of
cinema
Use synonyms
visitors
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 went down in every
age
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 group,
while
Linking Words
 the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
 had fluctuated over
this
Linking Words
 time in Auckland.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
cinema
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visitors
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 and the average
number
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 of them had undergone different trends. First of foremost, at the beginning of the period, there had opposite trends between the
proportion
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 of
cinema
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visitors
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 and the average
number
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 of them. The
proportion
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 of
cinema
Use synonyms
visitors
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 had risen from 67% to 72% between 1995 and 1999 compared to the average
number
Use synonyms
 of it decreased from 10.3 to 7.3. After the next 4 years, there was a slightly fluctuate in the
proportion
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 of
cinema
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visitors
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 and had the same
proportion
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 in 2003.
However
Linking Words
, the average
number
Use synonyms
 of
cinema
Use synonyms
visitors
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 had still gone down to 8.3.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, we can see that the four
age
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 groups had similar patterns in the average
number
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 of
cinema
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visitors
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 during
this
Linking Words
 period.
Additionally
Linking Words
, all the
age
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 groups in the average
number
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 of
cinema
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visitors
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 had fluctuated and had undergone a decrease. It is striking that the highest
age
Use synonyms
 group were 14-24 years old above 11, and the lowest was above 50 years old about 9.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "additionally".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cinema, age, visitors, proportion, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 3 times.
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