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Band 6

Personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#information #individuals #internet #companies #organisations #situation
There is no doubt that the
Internet
 has become essential for both masses and
companies
 but still, there is a risk to the privacy of individuals
that is
 contained by the third
companies
. I believe that the downsides outweigh the advantages and I will elaborate on my viewpoints in upcoming paragraphs with suitable examples. To strengthen my point of view, Google, Instagram, Facebook and other apps and websites detain the personal
information
 of the masses. First and foremost, people utilize their time on multifarious kinds of apps dint of
this
, they spend a lot of time getting in touch with their near and dear ones, and sending emails or doing other tasks by using
such
 tools
as a result
,
companies
 already know that what forms of emails customer receive about their preferences so organizations can use that details to promote their products and improve their sites. To cite an example, if
internet
companies
 contain individuals' personal
information
then
 it could be helpful to find true criminals because these organizations have all records of messages, calls and emails
consequently
, police will be able to discover culprits in a fast time. There are
also
 some downsides of large
internet
companies
, which keep public
information
.
Firstly
, sometimes third-party
companies
 steal the privacy of the public and they could lose money from the masses'
bank
 accounts as there are a lot of scams happening day by day because sometimes websites and apps are unable to secure public
information
 properly
due to
this
, people lose their money as hackers get the
bank
 passcodes successfully with their stealing techniques.
For example
, people do online shopping and sometimes they
saved
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
 their
bank
information
 on websites because of
this
, scammers hack the
bank
 account details and withdraw all the money from customers' accounts. To recapitulate, every garden has weeds,
similarly
Add a comma
similarly,
show examples
internet
companies
also
 have some drawbacks to public privacy. so, organizations must make sure that if they have public
information
then
 it should be protected so scammers do not get customers'
information
 for inappropriate purposes.
Submitted by sekhogghk on

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task response
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic and supports the main argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay with clear topic sentences and logical connections between ideas to improve coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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