IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Women will play an increasingly important role at workplace in future. But this may disturb their family lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#women #role #workplace #future #lives
It is a fact that female participation in all jobs
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 increasing and will continue in
coming
Correct article usage
the coming
show examples
 days. Even though currently they are facing some troubles with their family lives , I believe that it can be cleared out in future because of two major reasons.  Primarily,
women
Correct article usage
the women
show examples
work force
Correct your spelling
workforce
show examples
 got a large acceptance in
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 world,
hence
 both governments and private firms give enormous support to females to carry out both their family lives and profession together. To explain, by providing flexible
work
 hours, allowances and leave patterns for them to balance their time for the family and
job
.
Due to
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
, more ladies will
Add a missing verb
be encouged
show examples
encouged
Correct your spelling
encouraged
 to find a
job
 and earn their own.
For example
, maternity and
child care
Correct your spelling
childcare
show examples
 leaves in NHS
prompting
Wrong verb form
prompt
show examples
 girls to search for a
job
 in
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 care sector.
As a result
, most of the nurses in that particular organisation are females.
Overall
 the huge support from employers is the reason to attract female workers without any concern about their family life.
In addition
 to that, the encouragement from educated parents and partners
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 another reason for increasing women
work force
Correct your spelling
workforce
show examples
.
Thus
 they will be
more free
Replace the words
freer
show examples
 to concentrate on their studies and attend competitive exams to achieve their carrier .
This
phenomena
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society will help to eradicate the belief that , females are supposed to stay
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
home
Add an article
a home
the home
show examples
 rather than go for
Add an article
a job
the job
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
 various facilities like nursery and
child care
Correct your spelling
childcare
show examples
 settings will help them to reduce the stress about the children. So the environment
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
create
Wrong verb form
created
show examples
 by families and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 are allowing girls to
work
 and lead
important
Correct article usage
an important
show examples
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
show examples
 in their institutions.
To sum up
, the benefits and support from employers and families is encouraging women to go for
Add an article
a job
the job
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 without concern about their family lives. So I disagree with the statement.
Submitted by geokavalackal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: