IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Women will play an increasingly important role at workplace in future. But this may disturb their family lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#women #role #workplace #future #lives
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It is a fact that female participation in all jobs
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 increasing and will continue in
coming
Correct article usage
the coming
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 days. Even though currently they are facing some troubles with their family lives , I believe that it can be cleared out in future because of two major reasons.  Primarily,
women
Correct article usage
the women
show examples
Use synonyms
work force
Correct your spelling
workforce
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 got a large acceptance in
modern
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the modern
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 world,
hence
Linking Words
 both governments and private firms give enormous support to females to carry out both their family lives and profession together. To explain, by providing flexible
work
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 hours, allowances and leave patterns for them to balance their time for the family and
job
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.
Due to
Linking Words
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
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, more ladies will
Add a missing verb
be encouged
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encouged
Correct your spelling
encouraged
 to find a
job
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 and earn their own.
For example
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, maternity and
child care
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childcare
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 leaves in NHS
prompting
Wrong verb form
prompt
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 girls to search for a
job
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 in
health
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the health
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 care sector.
As a result
Linking Words
, most of the nurses in that particular organisation are females.
Overall
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 the huge support from employers is the reason to attract female workers without any concern about their family life.
In addition
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 to that, the encouragement from educated parents and partners
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 another reason for increasing women
Use synonyms
work force
Correct your spelling
workforce
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.
Thus
Linking Words
 they will be
more free
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freer
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 to concentrate on their studies and attend competitive exams to achieve their carrier .
This
Linking Words
phenomena
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phenomenon
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society will help to eradicate the belief that , females are supposed to stay
in
Change preposition
at
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home
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a home
the home
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 rather than go for
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Add an article
a job
the job
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job
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jobs
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.
Linking Words
Furthermore
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,Furthermore
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 various facilities like nursery and
child care
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childcare
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 settings will help them to reduce the stress about the children. So the environment
which
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apply
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create
Wrong verb form
created
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 by families and
other
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others
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 are allowing girls to
work
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 and lead
important
Correct article usage
an important
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role
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roles
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 in their institutions.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the benefits and support from employers and families is encouraging women to go for
Use synonyms
Add an article
a job
the job
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 without concern about their family lives. So I disagree with the statement.
Submitted by geokavalackal on

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