IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Many people do not know or forget the fundamental meaning of traditional, and religious celebrities, during the festival periods. However, they only want to have fun, and relax themselves.

#people #celebrities #periods #fun
To begin
 with, in my opinion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global trade, and industrialization can
main
Replace the word
mainly
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditions. Because of
this
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
, have enormous malicious sides. A big part of teenagers are addicted to idiotic short videos, and even they are trying to do these actions. Nowadays,
this
 has become a common condition to make
such
 kinds of
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
. In my way of thinking, if we continue developing
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 same way, in the
end
Add the comma(s)
,end
show examples
 we should not wait for inventions from them.
This
 is because, the government did not tackle that global problem from the beginning, and many people
redundancy
Add a missing verb
are redundancy
show examples
, because of dampness knowledge.
On the other hand
, despite major problems, the parents can tackle
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. Because of
this
, they have a mindset about ritual celebrities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and religious festivals. If they are,
taken
Change the form of the verb
take
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
limit
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their internet time, and give some tasks related to their education.
However
, these interactions help them to
became
Change the verb
become
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future optimistic, and high intelligence humans with lucrative
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
show examples
.
In addition
, if the government approaches these issues with humility and clarity,
afterward
Change the spelling
afterwards
show examples
 these efforts can contribute to
absence
Add an article
the absence
show examples
 of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of mindset from the regional, and traditional anniversaries. In conclusion, I believe that
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
 of cleverness about traditional festivals
are vanished
Change to the active voice
vanish
have vanished
show examples
 near the future if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people approach
with
Correct pronoun usage
them with
show examples
 clarity.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: