IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

government investment in the arts , such as music and theatre , is waste of money . governments must invest this money in public services instead . do you agree or disagree ?

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #services
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in
this
Linking Words
 present world,
investment
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 is the main language of
government
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 to support any project . despite that arts ,
music
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 and theatre are among many projects that can be enjoyed by
government
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investment
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 . it is agreed that
government
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 should invest more in public
services
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 . analysing the capability of the discipline of
government
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 to invest in improving public
services
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 ,
as well as
Linking Words
 the limitation in investing in arts and
music
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 .
firstly
Linking Words
 ,
government
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investment
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 is one of the strongest entities to fund projects . for ,instance investing in public
services
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 may cause
to
Correct pronoun usage
it to
show examples
 be a developed country . for ,example investing in the educational sector leads to focusing on children to be smarter and
intelligent
Correct quantifier usage
more intelligent
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 by helping the deserved poor children by giving them
free
Add an article
a free
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 paid
scholarship
Fix the agreement mistake
scholarships
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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university and giving them free transportations fees to be easy for them to transported easily
due to
Linking Words
 their college period and if they become superiority in their career the
government
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 can choose most of them to train with and to increase their self-esteem.
secondly
Linking Words
 , the
government
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 should look up for
transportation
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 and the road 50 % of
people
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 use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
transportation
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 every day in the morning and in the evening .
therefore
Linking Words
 the
government
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 should look up to the buses stations and trains to provide their
people
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a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
good quality transport to help them during their day by setting new tracks roads for the buses and updating the train stops and setting new trains with higher qualifications causes trains are one of the most used transport .
although
Linking Words
health
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 is as important as education and transport , the
government
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 need to invest more in the
health
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 sector by looking for investing in hospitals and updating
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to have higher qualifications of doctors , nursing and medicine . to provide good
health
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 for each person in the country .
although
Linking Words
 investing in art ,
music
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 and theatre can be important not as much as the education ,
health
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 and
transportation
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 sectors the
government
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 should focus on more . to summarise ,
investment
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 in
music
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 , arts and theatre is not as necessary as that the
government
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 invest their funds in their public
services
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 .
government
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investment
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 should be gone to what it really
deserve
Correct subject-verb agreement
deserves
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to be .
therefore
Linking Words
 the
investment
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 should be in education ,
health
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 and
transportation
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 because it serves mostly
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
public
people
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 .
government
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investment
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 discipline
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
services
Use synonyms
 will develop the country and help
people
Use synonyms
.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
What to do next:
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