Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

In the 21st century, most manufacturers' products have a high level of
sugar
, which can cause health issues. There is an argument among some masses, that sugary product should be more expensive, which prevent people to purchase sugary foods.
While
I agree with
this
idea,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I'm not totally consented with it in some aspects. First of all, in recent decades most folk have been suffering
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
diabetes,
thus
It's significantly important to find a solution
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
issue.
In addition
, consuming sugary foods can have a detrimental impact on anybody's teeth,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
Correct word choice
and consequently
show examples
consequently
Add a comma
,consequently
show examples
It could cause lots of problems during the elderly period.
Furthermore
, using
sugar
in routine cuisine has a central role in obesity, which has become a worldwide problem nowadays and lots of people all over the world have suffered from it.
On the other hand
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foods are made
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
sugar
, so we need substitutes for them, which can be a challenge. Sometimes consuming
sugar
don't
Change the verb form
doesn't
show examples
have a simple impact,
For example
, research done by German scientists has shown that fattening by
sugar
dramatically depends on an individual's genes,
thus
it does not affect everyone in the same way. Another facet of enhancing the price of
sugar
that I like to mention is economical inflation, which raises another issue
subsequently
. In conclusion,
while
the increase in
sugar
prices has consequences, I agree with the idea, because the community's health is more important than anything else, so governments should take steps to solve
this
issue in some ways that people's health can be preserved.
Submitted by arsalan.azizzadeh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: