IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some believe that it is beneficial to show foreign films while others feel this can have a negative empact on local culture. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#believe #show #films #empact #culture
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some believe that it is beneficial to show foreign
films
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others feel
this
Linking Words
 can have a negative impact on local culture.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think
people
Use synonyms
 should choose positive foreign
movies
Use synonyms
 to watch and
also
Linking Words
 watch
films
Use synonyms
 from their own
country
Use synonyms
 to develop a sense of the
country
Use synonyms
's identity. on the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 who watch foreign
movies
Use synonyms
 can take some advantages.
Use synonyms
people
Capitalize word
People
show examples
 can know about other countries' features, especially for
people
Use synonyms
 who are studying foreign languages,it is a good way for them to learn the pronunciation and
also
Linking Words
 they can know about some idioms,it can help them to develop,and inform a foreign circumstance to study,
moreover
Linking Words
,it
also
Linking Words
 can give domestic
people
Use synonyms
 to understand the foreign
country
Use synonyms
.
finally
Linking Words
, it can promote cultural relationships with other foreign countries. one the other hand, watching foreign
movies
Use synonyms
 blindly ,
also
Linking Words
 leads some backward.
for example
Linking Words
 ,if teenagers watch foreign
films
Use synonyms
 without their parents' regulation,they may choose violent
films
Use synonyms
 to watch young
people
Use synonyms
 are very easily influenced by what they constantly hear and see,and they can imitate
this
Linking Words
 behaviour for negative
movies
Use synonyms
, which is bad for them.
however
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 need to watch
movies
Use synonyms
 from their own
country
Use synonyms
, especially the theme related to history,because it can help them to know more about their
country
Use synonyms
 meanwhile,it can enhance domestic residents' sense of national identity.
furthermore
Linking Words
 ,when
people
Use synonyms
 watch foreign
movies
Use synonyms
,they need to choose a positive theme to watch. in conclusion, I think
people
Use synonyms
 should choose positive foreign
movies
Use synonyms
 to watch and
also
Linking Words
 watch
films
Use synonyms
 from their own
country
Use synonyms
 to develop a sense of the
country
Use synonyms
's identity.
Submitted by 992127079 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Improve the organization of your essay to have clearer structure and stick closely to the prompt. Provide more relevant and detailed examples. Strive for a balanced argument and express your opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction is present but needs to be more focused. Try to use linking words and phrases to improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph presents a clear topic and connects logically to the next.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: