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Writing Samples
Band 4

đŸ”¶More and more people are eating healthy food and exercising regularly. 🔾What are the reasons for that? What can we do to make other people do the same?

According to
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 the current features of the modern world, the number of people with a healthy lifestyle rises day by day, since they avoid the extra payments for medical services.
However
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, the fraction of residents who have the right diet will probably rise
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 if they constantly keep in touch with those who have an unhealthy daily routine. Today, when
quantities
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the number
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 of countries' average
nation
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nations
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 multiply and show significant growth
Punctuation problem
,
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health
ensure
Correct subject-verb agreement
ensures
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 are now in great demand. Doctors get enormous amounts of money from the government and private health care agencies for the treatment of patients with weak organisms.
Therefore
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, gradually rising folk with a wholesome manner of living began active lifestyles.
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Thus
Punctuation problem
Thus,
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 they will have less chance
to get
Change preposition
of getting
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 an illness since their immune system will be stronger compared to inactive ones.
For example
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, if sportsmen get sick, he spends a short-term period for recovery,
while
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lazy
Correct article usage
a lazy
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 and malnourished fellow suffers difficulties with sanitation and spends
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
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 process for achieving
success
Correct article usage
the success
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 of treatment. So, the group of healthy people should get bigger. In terms of finance,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 sound set of circumstances is much more beneficial. Inasmuch as expenses for health care centres
reduce
Wrong verb form
are reduced
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. So, people who experience those profits should have an orderly dialogue with those who still have unhealthy choices for life.
As a result
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, role models can give motivation for accepting the right way of living.
For instance
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, in
2018
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2018,
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 Uzbekistan started living by a brand new strategy where an active lifestyle was
propagandized
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propagandised
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 to the public as the best way to economise money,
thus
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 the government could manage to reach 90% of a healthy nation in 2020. Nowadays, Uzbekistan is considered the healthiest country in the whole world.
To conclude
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, the number of healthy residents
rise
Correct subject-verb agreement
rises
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, mainly because of treatment costs in hospitals.
Consequently
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, in order to avoid an extra payment
most
Punctuation problem
, most
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 of the public keep fit
and
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, and
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 they can recommend it to those who have not started to live with the right principles,
then
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 the number of wholesome individuals will be greater than it is now.

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task response
The task needs a clear answer. State why more people eat healthy and move more, and give clear steps to help others. Make one main idea in each paragraph: first the reason, then a plan, then a short end.
coherence
strength
There is an real try to give reason and a plan to help others.
structure
The essay has an intro and a conclusion.
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