IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

‏The animal species are becoming extinct ‏due to human activities on land and in sea. What are the reasons and solutions?

#‏the #species #‏due #activities #land #sea
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It has been argued by many individuals that creatures are becoming died out because people are doing experiments on them in the regions and in the ocean.
This
Linking Words
 essay will not only elucidate the causes of the extinction of
animals
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 scrutinize how it can be solved in the subsequent paragraphs
along with
Linking Words
 a reasoned conclusion. There are two main reasons why
animals
Use synonyms
 are disappearing. Foremost, in many parts of the world people are using
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 to check the latest vaccines on them with the help of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 commoners might protect their
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 as sometimes it may puts an adverse impact.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the population make a profit from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
marine
animals
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary era, most fishermen caught the Fishes,
Octopus
Fix the agreement mistake
octopuses
show examples
, Crabs and many more and sell
in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
show examples
 the market with
this
Linking Words
 they
ear
Correct your spelling
earn
show examples
 huge amounts of money.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey conducted by Harward University revealed that in (2019) on countless continents during covid-19 physicians do experiments on numerous
animals
Use synonyms
 and they
die
Wrong verb form
died
show examples
 after
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
now Octopus
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
vanished because the population was
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
marketing them. There are some solutions,
animals
Use synonyms
 have the right to live. Doctors should not test new medicine on
animals
Use synonyms
 as they have feelings and
also
Linking Words
 they are a vital part of the nation.
In addition
Linking Words
, the government ought to apply strict rules for those human beings who earn money from
animals
Use synonyms
 and impose fines on them.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they would have more fear of punishment,
therefore
Linking Words
 they will not do it.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 people use
animals
Use synonyms
 for their own benefit, it can be measured by the higher authorities.
Submitted by deepikanayyar1996 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: