IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many countries want to host international sports event, while other countries think that hosting sports events has some problems that benefits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.(

#countries #host #sports #event #events
Nowadays, many countries hold international
sports
 events to benefit the
country
. Others would argue that it is not
good
Rephrase
as good
show examples
 as it seems. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views and my opinion. I would not deny that facilitating international
sports
 events will boost the economy. The influx of visitors and other
sports
 enthusiasts, locally and abroad, will come to join and watch the
event
.
As a result
, major and minor businesses in the
country
 will flourish
due to
 the significant rise of people. At the same time, people can explore nearby scenery after the
event
.
Thus
, it brings awareness to their local tourism.
Then
 many foreigners will visit because of its popularity, which leads to the
country
's socioeconomic growth.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, organizing
this
 type of
event
 is overwhelmingly financially challenging for smaller countries. The effects are magnifying as it would raise the
country
's status, name, and image to the rest of the world. Sponsoring
such
 a grandiose
event
 would be tremendously expensive substantial funding is essential for
this
 type of celebration. If a government is not well established financially and does not have proper finances, it will opt to borrow from a wealthy nation with interest.
As a result
, the
country
 will be indebted.
In addition
, building a massive
sports
 arena affects the environment's natural landscapes, which can be detrimental to another species' habitat.
On the other hand
,
due to
 the increase of foreign nationals with money and highly valued items in their possessions in the
country
, more crimes will be committed, like, robbery and theft. Even though
this
 kind of
event
 is costly, destructive, and enticing criminality
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the positive effect on the community is immense. In conclusion, organizing international
sports
 events brings prosperity to the
country
. Regardless of that,
being
Wrong verb form
it is
show examples
 costly, destructive, and criminality associated with the influx of tourists. I would argue, as I believe that the positive development outweighs its drawbacks.
Submitted by lsc_00000 on

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task response
Your essay addresses both views and provides relevant points on the benefits and drawbacks of hosting international sports events. However, ensure that you fully answer the given question and provide a consistent argument throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is clear, and you have included an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To further improve, ensure that your arguments are presented in a clear and organized manner, and that your ideas are effectively linked together.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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