The diagram below shows how rain water is collected and then treated to be used as drinking water in an Australian town. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows how rain water is collected and then treated to be used as drinking water in an Australian town. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The diagram shows how
water
is collected in rainy weather and how a system turns it to be drinkable
water
again in an Australian town.
Overall
, it can be seen that there are a few steps needed in public facilities including filtering, storage and treatment.
First,
when it is raining, rainwater will be collected into the pine systems installed on the top of houses. the collected
water
then
flows to the drain which is under the houses.
Second,
the
water
collected by other families will flow into the public pine system together and
then
transits to a massive storage container after it filters out some pollutants primitively.
Third,
the stored
water
then
be transferred to other facilities for
further
treatment. In
this
step, some synthetic chemicals will be added to
water
.
Finally
, the purified
water
can be provided back directly to the families in
this
town to use again being drinking
water
.
Submitted by sam132457 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words water with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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