IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people think government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help prevent illness and diseas. To what extend do you agree or disagree

#people #government #focus #pollution #illness #diseas
It is thought that illness can be caused by not only environmental pollution but
also
 a homeless problem which should be focused on reducing the issues
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
. I definitely agree with
this
 statement.
Firstly
, being known that the hazardous gas substances
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
NO2, CO, SO2 and PM2.5 are included have
Correct article usage
a negatively
show examples
negatively
Change the adverb
negative
show examples
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
 respiratory organisms.
Furthermore
, the dangerous liquids concentrated in drinking water will destroy the immunity system. Minimizing the leakages, the ministers should consider funding their budgets to prevent these concerns.
For example
, Dioxin was leaked in the US, the villagers coincidently gained
this
 toxicity which caused
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
serious cancer afterwards. Destroying that hazardous waste was undertaken by their city mayor.
Secondly
, from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Maslow’s triangle of needs,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
housing is one of the fundamental needs of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
. Supporting citizens’
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
housing by their government
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not only affects on
well-being
Add an article
the well-being
show examples
 of life but
also
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduces
show examples
 the
lilness
Correct your spelling
illness
 of the population Despite promoting the mandates on those following concerns, the
fundings
Fix the agreement mistake
funding
show examples
 are needed.
Nevertheless
, the turnover which is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 living condition of
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 is improved,
moreover
 significantly affects positively to the
overall
 economy. To
concluded
Wrong verb form
conclude
show examples
, decreasing the ambient pollution in terms of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hazordous
Correct your spelling
hazardous
 leakages
together with
 promoting housing policy will positively
Change the verb form
be related
show examples
related
Wrong verb form
relate
show examples
 to the
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 growth of the country. I completely agree with
statement
Add an article
the statement
show examples
.
Submitted by thepunpunpop on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: