IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many goverments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#goverments #progress #people #country
some governments argue that economical boom and
progress
 are more important than any other
topics
 in a country,
while
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that other measures have the same importance . In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will explain both these
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
. financial matters are the main reason that governments prioritise economic
progress
. All the economical
progress
 ,like taxes, supports
Correct article usage
the authorities
show examples
authorities
Change noun form
authorities'
authority's
show examples
budget
 so
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if it does not go well , politicians will face a lack of
budget
.
Goverments
Correct your spelling
Governments
 without enough
budget
 can not manage their projects
such
 as manufacturing,
constructions
Fix the agreement mistake
construction
show examples
, product
producing
Replace the word
production
show examples
 and so on and that’s why, some authorities decide to get more taxes from citizens to achieve more
budget
 as well.
On the other hand
, some people are of the opinion that there is a wide range of
topics
 that has the same
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
 as
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
. For society
topics
such
 as
art
, literacy, science, culture and so on are important as well.
For example
, after the second world war most of the countries which were destroyed and damaged
as a result
 of
war
Correct article usage
the war
show examples
 decided to just focus on economical
progress
 to bring the boom back to their country, on the
conterary
Correct your spelling
contrary
, Vienna came up with a smart idea and decided to renovate its
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
 and bring back the
art
 which had been lost through the war, because they
priortised
Correct your spelling
prioritised
prioritise
art
 and culture to economy.
Although
Many
Fix capitalization
many
show examples
 authorities presume that financial
progress
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 significantly
important
Correct quantifier usage
more important
show examples
 than other
topics
 in a country, some individuals do not think so. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 other
topics
progress
 like literacy,
art
 and science and so on are equally important as
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 development.
Submitted by adelkhoosogol on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: