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Band 7.5

Some people think that schools should reward students with best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #schools #reward #students #results #show #improvements
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Academic Achievement has always been celebrated as
means
Correct article usage
a means
show examples
 of motivation and appreciation.
However
, there has been a continuous debate on whether we should honour pupils with excellent performance or whether the reward should go to someone who has marked improvements.
While
 I believe that honouring top-tier students has its own benefits, recognizing people’s efforts in pursuing their goals can create a better academic environment for all. On the one hand, people with excellent achievements set role models for others to follow. People tend to look up to someone with greater skills and attempt to copy their ways of success, which creates a progressive competition for various if not better solutions to a problem.
For example
, schools in China have been celebrating students who pass university entrance examinations with high grades or secure a seat at a prestigious university by putting their pictures on a wall of fame in the most crowded spot on their campuses.
As a result
,
this
 strategy not only shows their appreciation to people who have put in the effort but
also
 motivates juniors to try harder as the goals are achievable and they can pride themselves one day.
On the other hand
, I strongly believe that by giving credit to anyone with marked improvements, we can create an environment where everyone feels like they have a chance at thriving since they are not under stress, especially peer pressure from excellent achievers.
Moreover
, learners should perform better as they will be motivated to outdo themselves each time.
For instance
, in the book Atomic Habit, it is proven that if we do a little better each day, we are 30% more likely to achieve our goals, which means with better performing and more motivated individuals, schools as a whole will see a huge growth in academic achievement and create a progressive environment for everyone to strive for success.
To conclude
, offering rewards to anyone who gets to surpass themselves academically could certainly have more advantages to the whole than just recognizing the top learners as it creates less stress
as well as
 encourages them to make progress.
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coherence cohesion
In the future, focus on ensuring that each paragraph connects clearly to the overall argument and supports the main thesis.
task response
Make sure to offer examples that directly relate to the points you are making, and ensure that each example supports your overall argument clearly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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