IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

#people #life #money
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It is argued that possessing a lot of
money
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 is the most successful way to be happy.
Money
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 can fulfil the materialistic needs of an individual who seeks elation from
such
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 accomplishments. Financial independence is not the only key to happiness. There are other ways as well
and
Correct word choice
as
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 simple everyday
things
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 like enjoying time with family or helping
people
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 in need
such
Linking Words
 as homeless children. On the one hand,
people
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 who are financially sound could easily fulfil the materialistic needs and desires of their life which in return gives them a sense of satisfaction. Compared to
middle class
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middle-class
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people
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, the affluent sections of society can easily satisfy their materialistic needs and wants.
This
Linking Words
 includes buying high-end cars, travelling to exotic locations or wearing expensive brands.
Further
Linking Words
, the rich have access to the best
health-care
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healthcare
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 treatments that the common man does not have access to.
Consecuently
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Consequently
,
money
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 provides access to almost everything that can be purchased.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
in addition
Linking Words
 to material wants, an individual can seek happiness from various other
things
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. Health is most critical, if you aren’t healthy, you cannot be happy no matter how much
money
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 you have. It is equally critical to have a loving and understanding family, sharing the dining table with family after a tiring day at the office. Dining with loved ones eliminates stress and worries.
Secondly
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, helping
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
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 and needy could
also
Linking Words
 give achievement.
For example
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, charity
to
Change preposition
for
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 children who need medical help may be the most effective way to embrace elation.
Subsequently
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, there are some
things
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 that are priceless and cannot be bought with
money
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. These
things
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 include health, the opportunity to
spendquality
Correct your spelling
spend quality
 time with family or financial aid to poor
people
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. In conclusion, a large amount of
money
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 may make
people
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 happy as it offers material enjoyment.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, spending time with close friends and helping the poor can
also
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 be a source of joy.
Submitted by Allazhar on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial security
  • Basic needs
  • Comfort
  • Luxury
  • Freedom
  • Altruistic
  • Philanthropy
  • Nurturing relationships
  • Fulfillment
  • Sense of accomplishment
  • Physical well-being
  • Spiritual beliefs
  • Community involvement
  • Gratitude
  • Mindfulness
  • Simple pleasures
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