IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that education system is the only critical factor to development of a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #education #system #factor #development #country
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Education
Use synonyms
 is a key to
development
Use synonyms
 in any
country
Use synonyms
,
education
Use synonyms
 empowers the citizens to do something new and research for well-being and
development
Use synonyms
 in their
country
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, some people believe that it is the only factor in developing a
country
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement to some extent.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
education
Use synonyms
 has the main role in human
development
Use synonyms
 ,especially at an early age which carries forward to the age of adulthood.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 is a base to develop a person's mind to produce and
then
Linking Words
 it plays a role in developing a
country
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the literacy rate is not enough to get the
country
Use synonyms
 at its best.
For example
Linking Words
, in India, the literacy rate is huge but
due to
Linking Words
 government ,mismanagement adults are not able to get adequate jobs.
As a result
Linking Words
, unemployed adults move their knowledge toward anti-social gangs and do some illegal work which
damage
Correct subject-verb agreement
damages
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
country
Use synonyms
 internally.
In addition
Linking Words
, health or life spam and the surroundings are
also
Linking Words
 a major sector of a healthy well-being
country
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
country
Use synonyms
 should focus on life expectancy and living standards, and it's important to give better opportunities to their citizens for work so they are able to afford a better lifestyle. Healthy surroundings
also
Linking Words
 attract tourists to a
country
Use synonyms
 which plays an important role in the finance of a
country
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, New Zealand has the most beautiful and healthy climate in the world because of the
country
Use synonyms
's strict laws and rules for the
country
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 New Zealand is the only
country
Use synonyms
 with the least factory emissions
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 respect
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their environment.
To conclude
Linking Words
 , the improvement of a
country
Use synonyms
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 depend on one sector it is a combined advancement of each and every individual of the
country
Use synonyms
therefore
Linking Words
 law enforcement should focus on each and every sector of the
country
Use synonyms
 to move them forward to their best stage.
last
Linking Words
 but not least, an improvement and healthy surroundings create a better life and toward
development
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by preetshergill197 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve logical transitions between points to enhance overall fluency.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to strengthen arguments.
task achievement
Clarify ideas and arguments to enhance comprehensibility.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion, presenting a balanced view between importance of education and other factors contributing to development.
task achievement
Addresses the task effectively by discussing the role of education and its impact alongside other factors.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: