IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people believe that social networking sites have huge negative effects on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #sites #effects #individuals #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the present ,era the internet has changed the lives of people drastically.
According to
 some people,
such
 sudden change has negatively impacted society
a
Change preposition
on a
show examples
large scale.
However
, I am of the strong opinion that despite the negative effects, social networking has led to prosperity as well. I will discuss my beliefs in the next paragraphs.
Firstly
, There is no doubt about the fact that the influence of some social networking
sites
 has changed the lifestyle of the current generation, especially teenagers.
The
Remove the article
Such
show examples
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
web has given them exposure
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
such
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 which keep the youth occupied in
such
 activities which are of no use in their professional life,
thus
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
becoming
hindrance
Fix the agreement mistake
hindrances
show examples
 in their growth.
For example
, Facebook, Orkut, Snapchat, Instagram and online gaming are
such
 applications which can be proved dangerous to a student as they provide them great escape from studies and are addictive in nature.
Secondly
,
Although
 some social networking
sites
 are mind-diverting for students.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 there are many
sites
 or platforms which have proved a boon to many as on
such
 platforms many young ones have made their career or have achieved new heights in their profession.
For example
, Linkedin is one of a platform where
professional
Add an article
the professional
a professional
show examples
 has their profiles presented to the world for better opportunities.
Along with
 ,Linkedin there are professionals who have used Facebook and Instagram
a
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 platform for their professional use for illustration, I have seen many boutique owners
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 their business by posting their artwork online and receiving orders from there.
Therefore
, it becomes clear that social networking can be used for one's betterment as well. In the context of the above strong viewpoints, I can infer that despite the negative effect of social networking
sites
 which can be controlled with little vigilance
however
, they can
also
 prove to benefit too many and it all depends on how an individual is using it and individuals and society can use
such
 platform for a positive outcome as well.
Submitted by resume2012principal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: