IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The contribution of various economic sectors to Xcountry Gross Domestic Product in 2016, 2017, and 2018

#contribution #sectors #xcountry #product
The graph illustrates how much
contribution
 was made by the agricultural, industry and service
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
show examples
 to Xcountry's Gross National Product(GDP) in the years 2016, 2017 and 2018.
Overall
, the service
sector
 provided the highest number of contributions, but it decreased over the period,
whereas
 the other two field's contributory amounts increased over time.
Firstly
, the Xcountry's GDP was 13% boosted by harvesting in the year 2016. After that, in 2017, it dwindled slightly to 11% and
at the end
 of the given period, it provided 15% of the total GDP of that country.
However
, in 2016, the industrial
sector
 helped the government by giving 22% of the
contribution
, which grew to 25% in 2017.
Therefore
, the proportion of
contribution
 by industry in 2018 was 30%.
Finally
 comes the service
sector
, it is evident that the majority of the
contribution
 came from
this
 field and it was 65% in 2016, which can be considered a big amount compared to other sectors.
Furthermore
, it went to 64% in 2017 and
then
 there was a dramatic jump to 55%
at the end
 of the period.
Submitted by englishpills077 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
The essay covers all the key features of the given graph and provides an overview of the trends over the three-year period. It would benefit from clearer organization and a more consistent use of transition words to guide the reader.
Task Achievement
While the essay addresses the task and presents relevant information, some inaccuracies in the data and imprecise language affect the overall clarity and accuracy of the response. Use precise data and accurate language to improve clarity and accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: