IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Using computers everyday has more negative effect than positive on children. do you agree or disagree with this notion

In today's modern world, everyone has access to
computers
Use synonyms
. There are some people who deem that using
computers
Use synonyms
 on a daily
bases
Fix the agreement mistake
basis
show examples
 has more detrimental effects on
children
Use synonyms
 as compared to positive ones. In my opinion, there are some minor negative effects on those who
use
Use synonyms
computers
Use synonyms
ceaselessly
Punctuation problem
ceaselessly,
show examples
 as they may become inactive
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
;
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,
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 using
computers
Use synonyms
 every day would be beneficial for
children
Use synonyms
 as it would help them in their personal, academic and professional levels. On a personal level,
children
Use synonyms
 would become more knowledgeable about the world if they
Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
used
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computers
Use synonyms
 every day. To be more precise,
this
Linking Words
 is an era of technology and everything which is happening around the world
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 can easily be seen on the internet, so if
children
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use
Use synonyms
computers
Use synonyms
, they would be more aware of every single affair, whether it
would be
Wrong verb form
is
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 internal or external
Punctuation problem
,
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and
this
Linking Words
thing
Check wording
apply
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makes them intelligent and more
knowledgable
Use the right word
knowledgeable
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person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, a recent report from an Indian channel called "CBC" revealed that approximately 67% of Indian
children
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 are aware of internal and external affairs.
Hence
Linking Words
, using
computers
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 always
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
show examples
 their personal knowledge.
However
Linking Words
, having long-term screen time would make them unhealthy as it requires
children
Use synonyms
 to sit for a longer period of time, but
this
Linking Words
thing
Check wording
problem
show examples
 can be reduced if they give some time to outdoor activities. On an academic and professional level, the usage of
computers
Use synonyms
 would
also
Linking Words
 help
children
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 in career growth. What I mean to say is that nowadays, the trend to
use
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computers
Use synonyms
 has reached on peak and almost everyone who uses a computer considers a modern person.
For instance
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 laptops for their study every day in order to make assignments, presentations
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 give exams
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
Linking Words
 thing states that the more they
use
Use synonyms
computers
Use synonyms
, the more they would be
habitual
Use the right word
habituated
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 it and in future they would not face any difficulty if they need any job which requires a person who has command
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 computer skills. In conclusion, using
computers
Use synonyms
 has more positive effects as it improves the personal, academic and professional growth of
children
Use synonyms
, so I entirely agree with the statement which says that using
computers
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial.

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task response
Be clear on your view at the start and keep it in every part of the essay. Your stance is seen, but add one strong point for why you think the benefit is bigger.
structure
Break the text into four short paragraphs. Each one has one main idea. Start with a simple topic sentence.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas connect. Phrases like also, but, for example, and in addition help readers follow your view.
grammar
Check grammar and break long sentences. Use full stops more to avoid long runs of words.
vocabulary
Choose common words. Avoid rare or long words. Easy words can do the job well.
evidence
Give simple, real examples. Do not use numbers or facts you are not sure about.
conclusion
Do not add new ideas in the end; restate your view.
editing
Watch spelling and punctuation to fix small errors and keep form.
content
Clear view on the issue.
structure
Good plan to split ideas into personal, academic and work.
effort
Shows effort to back up with examples.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • obesity
  • myopia
  • eye strain
  • social development
  • critical thinking
  • cyberbullying
  • digital literacy
  • privacy concerns
  • cognitive abilities
  • screen time
  • educational technology
  • digital assistance
  • peer interaction
  • inappropriate content
  • research skills
  • creativity applications
  • digital storytelling
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