IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Although many people value their public parks, this space could be better used for other purposes such as residential areas for ever growing population or to develop business and boost economies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #value #parks #space #purposes #areas #population #business #economies
Nowadays, we can observe a decline in public parks.
This
 is
due to
 the increase in demand for residential and commercial spaces.
Due to
this
 decrease in public parks, there are many disadvantages. The argument public park spaces could be used for residential or commercial spaces is invalid.
This
 essay will provide relevant reasons in support of the argument. There are many disadvantages to replacing public places with other buildings. One of the major disadvantages is that cities will lose their breathing area.
For example
, pollution is increasing every day people are in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
need of fresh air. Public places generally have huge trees which take in carbon and give out oxygen. By planting more trees we can provide fresh air to the citizens. Another disadvantage of reducing public parks is there will be no place for recreation. These usually have tracks, slides, and other games.
For instance
, most children after school come here to play around. By playing in these they get physically fit. These are not only meant for kids but
also
 for older folks. Older folks come here to exercise. One other disadvantage of replacing these is the loss of livelihood of people who are dependent on them.
For example
, a recent study shows that whenever a park is removed. There are at least 100 folks who lose out on employment. These not only provide employment but
also
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 shelter to many. Almost all homeless people spend their nights here. In conclusion, there are no advantages to replacing these with other structures. Public zones are
very
Rephrase
apply
show examples
essential and should not be replaced with anything else.
Instead
, they should be increased in number.
Submitted by ahmedcse14 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion contain clear and concise summaries of the main points. Use topic sentences and linking words to connect ideas throughout the essay for better coherence and cohesion.
task response
Provide a more thorough analysis of the disadvantages of replacing public parks with residential or commercial spaces. Address all aspects of the given prompt and ensure a clear stance on whether you agree or disagree with the statement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!