IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that it's a good idea to socialise with their work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it's important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #idea #socialise #work #colleagues #evenings #weekends #life
While
 some people prefer to spend free time with their
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
,
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 group argues that it is necessary to develop professional and personal dimensions of
life
separetely
Correct your spelling
separately
 from each other. I fully support the latest point of view since
this
 approach is vital to maintain a perfect
work
-
life
 balance. On the one hand, proponents of
integration
Correct article usage
the integration
show examples
 of professional and personal
life
 assert that the best way to improve
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 atmosphere at
work
 is to chat with
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
out
Change preposition
outside
show examples
 of the office.
According to
 their position, informal meetings can help to build stronger relationships between team members.
As a result
, the level of trust sharply increases, and communication in the office becomes more trustworthy.
Moreover
, it leads to positive emotions at
work
as well as
higher
Add an article
a higher
the higher
show examples
 level of job satisfaction among co-workers.
On the other hand
, supporters of
separation
Correct article usage
the separation
show examples
 of working and social
life
 claim that it is crucial to not mix
work
 and
life
 communications, and I
am totally agree
Change the verb form
totally agree
show examples
 with that. Since
typical
Correct article usage
the typical
show examples
 office worker spends more than forty hours per week at
work
, the tendency of
increased
Add an article
the increased
an increased
show examples
 amount of divorces and ruined friendships continues to thrive.
According to
 my experience, it often happens because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of time spent on social
life
.
However
, if people will dedicate themselves to their friends and families during their evenings and weekends, it may significantly increase the quantity and quality of their social
interactons
Correct your spelling
interactions
interaction
. Despite there
are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 people who would like to socialise with their co-workers during
a
Correct pronoun usage
their a
show examples
free-time, I believe that there should be a strong boundary between
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
 and other social parts of
life
.
Submitted by korteseg on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • colleagues
  • socialising
  • work relationships
  • teamwork
  • positive
  • supportive
  • work environment
  • personal relationships
  • collaboration
  • communication
  • stress
  • well-being
  • work-life balance
  • personal time
  • boundaries
  • conflicts
  • burnout
  • professional
  • personal identities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: