IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, some workplaces tend to employ equal numbers of men and women workers. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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Compared to the past time, some companies appear to be conscious of defending females’ legitimate rights and take tacts like hiring equal
numbers
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 of men and
women
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workers
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. In my opinion, it’s definitely a positive change that makes a broader impact on social well-being in terms of offering a healthy and fair labour market, but
there
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it
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 is still necessary to find a balance between making sure the same
numbers
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 of
workers
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 in both two genders and thinking about the workforce structure in specific fields.
To begin
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 with, giving equal chances to
women
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 ensures that female
workers
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 are able to step up and shine their own light on working and make contributions to every field in society,
instead
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 of being ignored or denied before beginning for their
gender
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 standing.
For example
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, some universities not only have an eye on ensuring the same number of researchers and scientists of both genders but
also
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 set up a foundation encouraging
women
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on applying
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to apply
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 for PhD. Compared to decades ago, when females weren’t illuminated as suffering
gender
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 discrimination, which put them in
such
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 a dilemma of having little likelihood to dig into science, it’s definitely a huge progress.
However
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, discussing other working contexts where
gender
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 traits are manifested, employing equal
numbers
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 of men and
women
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workers
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 is not always a wise strategy. Especially when it comes to the male and female-dominated fields.
For instance
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, construction needs force and power to a higher standard ,since
workers
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 are assigned to burden heavy stocks and wood, which means hiring male
workers
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 can finish projects more effectively because it’s their inherently strong suit.But in the field of medical care ,which requires taking care of patients with more empathy and patience,
women
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 definitely are good at easing patients’ pain and caring about their emotions.
Therefore
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, forcing hiring an equal number of male and female
workers
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 can probably lead to reduced efficiency,or reducing the experience of relevant service. In conclusion, employing equal
numbers
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 of men and
women
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workers
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 is a remarkable practice to ensure
women
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workers
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 can shine their light and prevent
gender
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 discrimination.
However
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, employers should think about
such
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 a practice in a collaborative way and make decisions combined with the specific working context.
Basic
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Based
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 on the inclusive approach, both benefits of the two sides would not be harmed.

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Task Response
Task Response: Overall, the essay provides a complete response to the task. The writer offers a clear opinion and discusses both positive and negative aspects of employing equal numbers of men and women workers. However, the reasoning could be strengthened by providing more specific examples and addressing each aspect in more detail.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure of the essay is sound, with clear introduction and conclusion present. The main points are generally supported with relevant examples and reasoning, but there is room for improvement in connecting ideas more effectively between paragraphs and providing a stronger conclusion that summarizes the main points.
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