IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60, it will cause some problems. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #work #age
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Admittedly,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
active engagement
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 at older
ages
Use synonyms
 is beneficial in some respects. First of all, if
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 after retirement, they do not have
dependence
Add an article
a dependence
show examples
 on others for living in good conditions.
For example
Linking Words
, if older generations get
salary
Correct article usage
a salary
show examples
 regularly, they can buy things that they want or even they can provide
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 family fully and continue to enjoy life without living like
handicapped
Add an article
a handicapped
the handicapped
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 at their older
ages
Use synonyms
. Another crucial aspect of it is that as everyone accepted
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
if
people
Use synonyms
 who
work
Use synonyms
 for a long time retired suddenly from their job, they tend to feel depressed and lose their interest towards life.
Hence
Linking Words
, when
people
Use synonyms
 can
work
Use synonyms
 after the age of 60, they tend not to lose their hope for living and they have some type of motivation that encourages them to live with a sense of enjoyment and excitement. In
this
Linking Words
 way, they might stay healthy both mentally and physically for the rest of their life. After all, working
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 older
ages
Use synonyms
 can bring about some special benefits.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I think that government should not let older
people
Use synonyms
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
, as it can cause several problems. For one,
companies
Use synonyms
 may
mostly
Add a missing verb
be mostly
show examples
 afflicted by
this
Linking Words
 situation, since
people
Use synonyms
 lose their strength over time and they will become inadequate to
work
Use synonyms
 at older
ages
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, now
companies
Use synonyms
 try to hire younger
people
Use synonyms
,
although
Linking Words
 older adults have immense experience.
For example
Linking Words
, if older
people
Use synonyms
 make up
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 proportion of all employees,
it is clear that
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 company’s
productivity
Replace the word
products
show examples
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to be low compared to other
companies
Use synonyms
.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least,
people
Use synonyms
 who
work
Use synonyms
 at their older
ages
Use synonyms
 might always struggle to meet the ever-changing requirements of their
companies
Use synonyms
, leading to an increasing amount of pressure on their lives.
Instead
Linking Words
 of resting and enjoying, they always receive complaints
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
 their
work
Use synonyms
 from their employers, seeing as they are not sufficient enough to
work
Use synonyms
 all day long effectively. In
this
Linking Words
 way, they can suffer from mental illnesses like stress or social anxiety.
Finally
Linking Words
, retirement at the age of 60 is more advantageous rather than
continuously
Change the word
continuous
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 engagement. In conclusion, it is worth admitting that working
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 older
ages
Use synonyms
 can bring about particular advantages, yet I do not believe that its advantages are more important than its drawbacks.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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