IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Do you believe that professional athletes make good role models for young people? Support your opinion with reasons and examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#athletes #role #models #people #support
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It is commonly believed that athletes should be admired and taking them as role models for kids can be beneficial. It seems to me that
although
Linking Words
 sports make our
life
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 energetic and healthier,
assumption
Correct article usage
the assumption
show examples
 of
people
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 who
excersise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 as a job, as
someone
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
 to follow is a wrong approach and I don't support it. Generally speaking, there is no doubt that doing
excersise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 every day and playing sports benefit us and make our
life
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 healthier and happier. In
this
Linking Words
 way, some argue that athletes are convenient influencers for young
people
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 and they can lead
children
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 to love doing physical movements more and more.
For example
Linking Words
, a soccer player like Ronaldo and his
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life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 could stimulate adolescents to
excersise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 either
individully
Correct your spelling
individually
 or in a team, so they choose a healthy
Use synonyms
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 to become like him strong and
skillful
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skilful
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, owing to the reason that they often are not well-educated and don't add value to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society,
personaly
Correct your spelling
personally
, I don't think that getting them as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
role model for
children
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 is a good idea. In my opinion, a good role model should be
someone
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keep
Correct pronoun usage
who keep
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 sports and education alongside
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
each other.
In other words
Linking Words
, when we want to present a
famouse
Correct your spelling
famous
person
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 as
someone
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 to admire we should care about all aspects of their
life
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. A nice influencer
guding
Correct your spelling
guiding
children
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how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to behave
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to be
someone
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 responsible and active in different aspects in a good way. As far as I'm concerned,
this
Linking Words
person
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beside
Change preposition
besides
show examples
 having
personality
Correct article usage
a personality
show examples
 who cares about himself it is mandatory that he should be a
person
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 who gives back to
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 as well. In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, selecting one
person
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 as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 idol is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sensative
Correct your spelling
sensitive
 work and we should care about
people
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 we want to get
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
as
someone
Use synonyms
 to follow in our
life
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 athletes because of their healthy
Use synonyms
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 are good to consider, it's better to admire
people
Use synonyms
 who have
nourshing
Correct your spelling
nourishing
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 and
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 at the same time.
Submitted by haq1366 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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