IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think government should spend money on sport facilities for training top athlets. Other think it is should be for everybody. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #government #money #sport #facilities #athlets #everybody
Sport
Change the noun form
Sports
show examples
 competitions and
tournements
Correct your spelling
tournaments
 became a critical sector in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern society. It became a
high income
Add a hyphen
high-income
show examples
 industry in the recent decade. Some believe that the
govenment
Correct your spelling
government
 should focus its resources on
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
athletes
.
While
 others think that everybody should be included in
this
 budget.
This
 essay will discuss both sides of
this
 matter and I will express my opinion on
this
 issue. There are many reasons that support spending more
money
 on
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
facilities
 that train the top
athletes
.
First,
resources spent on elite
athletes
 have
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 return value.
Top level
Add a hyphen
Top-level
show examples
athletes
 have higher chances
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 winning international
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities.
This
 yields a greater return for each dollar spent on them. In the form of prizes and medals, and financially in the form of
sponserships
Correct your spelling
sponsorships
sponsorship
.
Secondly
, focusing on
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 selected
athletes
 will cost the government less
money
 to build and maintain
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
facilities
. The
money
 spared can be spent on other sectors like
heathcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
 or education.
On the other hand
, spending government
money
 on
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
facilities
 for everyone has
multipe
Correct your spelling
multiple
 reasons. Experts believe that allocating the budget to build
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
 for everyone can discover more hidden gems. There are a lot of
low level
Add a hyphen
low-level
show examples
athletes
 that can shine if given the required attention and training. On top of that,
Sport
 and physical activity is known to reduce cardiovascular diseases in the population. Many
peer reviewed
Add a hyphen
peer-reviewed
show examples
 scientific studies reported that
money
 can be saved if spent on
diease
Correct your spelling
disease
 prevention rather than treatment. In conclusion, Many claims that the government should only focus on top
athletes
,
while
 others disagree with that notion. I personally fully agree with those who believe that the benefits of
sport
 should be enjoyed by the whole population in an equal manner.
Submitted by dr.yushi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: