IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is easier for wealthy people to maintain good health than it is for people who do not have large amounts of money. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #health #amounts #money
IN CONTEMPORARY SOCIETY IS WIDELY
BELIEVE
Wrong verb form
BELIEVED
show examples
 THAT THE
HEALTH
 SHOULD BE
MANTAINED
Correct your spelling
MAINTAINED
BY INDIVIDUALS
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 SINCE IT PLAYS
Correct article usage
AN EXTREMELLY
show examples
EXTREMELLY
Correct your spelling
EXTREMELY
 ROLE FOR THE HUMAN BEING. IN
THIS
 STATEMENT, I WILL SHOW THE REASONS WHY I
DEFENITELY
Correct your spelling
DEFINITELY
 BELIEVE THAT IT IS HARDER FOR POOR
PEOPLE
 TO KEEP
ITS
Correct pronoun usage
THEIR
show examples
HEALTH
 IN A GOOD CONDITION IN
COMPARISSON
Correct your spelling
COMPARISON
FOR
Change preposition
TO
show examples
 THOSE WHO ARE WEALTHY. ON ONE HAND, WEALTHIER
PEOPLE
 CAN PAY FOR DIFFERENT TYPES OF
HEALTH
 INSURANCE IN COMPANIES THAT WILL PROVIDE THEM
A
Add the preposition
WITH A
show examples
BETTER
HEALTH
 SUPPORT, HAVING SEVERAL SERVICES BEING COVERED BY THESE COMPANIES. FOR
ISTANCE
Correct your spelling
INSTANCE
, IF THE PEARSON NEEDS TO PASS THROUGH A SURGERY, IT CAN EASILY BE COVERED BY THEM, FREELING THE INDIVIDUAL
FOR
Change preposition
FROM
show examples
 EXPENSIVE
PROCEDURE'S
Change noun form
PROCEDURE
show examples
 COSTS.
ADDITIONALLY
,
PEOPLE
 CAN ENROLL THEMSELVES IN GREAT GYMS, WITH UPDATED MACHINES AND
INCREDIBLES PERSONNAL
Correct your spelling
INCREDIBLE PERSONAL
TRAINNERS
Correct your spelling
TRAINERS
, WHICH WILL ALLOW THEM TO
MANTAIN
Correct your spelling
MAINTAIN
ITS
Correct pronoun usage
THEIR
show examples
 PHYSICAL ACTIVITY, USING BETTER DEVICES AND SKILLED
PROFESSIONAL
Fix the agreement mistake
PROFESSIONALS
show examples
.
ON THE OTHER HAND
,
PEOPLE
 WHO DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY FOR A GOOD INSURANCE
HEALTH
 COMPANY
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 WILL PROBABLY HAVE DIFFICULT ACCESS WHEN IT COMES TO
HEALTH
 PROCEDURES.
FOR EXAMPLE
, IF THE INDIVIDUAL IS AFFECTED BY A DISEASE, IT WILL HAVE
DIFFICULT
Replace the word
DIFFICULTY
show examples
TO PAY
Change the verb form
PAYING
show examples
 FOR SOME MEDICINES, WHICH WILL COMPROMISE
ITS
Change the word
THE
show examples
REABILITATION
Correct your spelling
REHABILITATION
 PROCESS.
MOREOVER
, THEY WILL STRUGGLE
IN
Change preposition
TO
show examples
MANTAIN
Correct your spelling
MAINTAIN
 A
HEALTH
Replace the word
HEALTHY
show examples
 DIET SINCE
IT
Correct pronoun usage
THEY
show examples
 PROBABLY WILL NOT BE ABLE TO PAY FOR
THIS
Correct determiner usage
THESE
show examples
 PRODUCTS, ONCE IT IS EXPENSIVE TO
MANTAIN
Correct your spelling
MAINTAIN
, DEPENDING ON THE TYPE.
TO SUM UP
, I STRONGLY BELIEVE THAT FOR PORR
PEOPLE
 IS HARDER TO
MANTAIN
Correct your spelling
MAINTAIN
SUCH
 A GOOD
HEALTH
.
WHILE
 THERE MAY BE OPPOSING VIEWS ON
THIS
 MATTER, I AM CONVINCED THAT THOSE IMPORTANT THINGS MENTIONED ABOVE ARE EXPENSIVE TO
MANTAIN
Correct your spelling
MAINTAIN
, BEING ALMOST
IMPOSSIBL
Correct your spelling
IMPOSSIBLE
 FOR THOSE WHO DO NOT HAVE LARGE AMOUNTS OF MONEY.
Submitted by Nayara on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Access to quality healthcare
  • Expedited treatment options
  • Cutting-edge medical technologies
  • Healthy diet and lifestyle
  • Organic and whole foods
  • Environmental factors
  • Cleaner neighborhoods
  • Financial stability
  • Health education
  • Preventative healthcare measures
  • Social determinants of health
  • Recreational facilities
  • Stress and mental health
  • Living conditions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: