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Band 5

Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialize online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #face #development
An increasing number of
people
 use technological products to interact with their friends or families
instead
 of getting together in the real world. In my opinion,
while
 there are some negative effects on
people
 communicating with others, I prefer that
people
 socializing on the internet could bring some positive advantages.
Firstly
, many
people
 argued that communicating on
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 can lead to
otherwise
 effects
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our face-to-face communication skills in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reality.
However
, electronic devices can maintain the relationship between families and friends if
people
 live in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different cities or countries.
In other words
, by using smartphones and laptops,
people
 can communicate with others anytime and anywhere.
Moreover
, with voice and video chatting about having convenient interaction
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
socialize,
people
 still can use language to express their ideas in
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
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.
Secondly
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using some social apps and websites
such
 as Facebook, Instagram and Twitter can help
people
 make new friends.
People
 can know other users easily on social media platforms by replying to the comments on
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
 posts or articles.
Furthermore
, there are some online groups which
people
 can join
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and they can find someone who has the same interest.
Therefore
,
people
 can develop the connection smoothly
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
spite of they do not meet each other in the real world. In conclusion,
although
by
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apply
show examples
using
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 to communicate
seems
Add the particle
toseems
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 have some problems, it brought
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
positive benefits to the current human society.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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