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Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries, children show less respect to elders. What are the causes of such behavior? What can be done to address this situation?

#countries #children #show #respect #elders #behavior #address #situation
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Nowadays, people are living in a society that
don'
Correct your spelling
doesn't
t
 recognize the
importance
 of
values
 . One of the main
values
 whose lack is more visible around the world is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Respect
 . It is actually a sad
situation
 because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
respect
 is the basis of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
freedom
 , if we don'
t
respect
 each other, we will cross the line between their
freedom
 and ours.
On the other hand
 , analyzing
Correct article usage
the familiy's
show examples
familiy's
Correct your spelling
family's
family
structure can be
obsererved
Correct your spelling
observed
that
this
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
behavior
 in children is
consequence
Add an article
a consequence
the consequence
show examples
 of the
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
behavior
 of their
parents
 . First , the lack of
values
 that we are living in the actual world, is a consequence of the greater
importance
 that we are giving to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
freedom
 .
Although
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
freedom
 is an
importan
Correct your spelling
important
value, we can'
t
 give more
importance
 than we give to the rest of
values
Correct article usage
the values
show examples
 ,
such
 as
respect
 or
emphaty
Correct your spelling
empathy
. It is
this
 relevance that we have
gave
Wrong verb form
given
show examples
to the
freedom
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
had
became
Change the form of the verb
become
show examples
the world in a place
whitout
Correct your spelling
without
values
 . Thereby we find children on the street who don'
t
respect
 anybody, and they think that can do whatever they want,
whitout
Correct your spelling
without
consequences. Second , when we analyze the family's
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
behavior
 , we
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 that even
there
Correct word choice
if there
show examples
 is no
respect
 between fathers and sons,
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
what can we expect from the son toward their grandparents if they always look
their
Change preposition
at their
show examples
parents
 acting
whitout
Correct your spelling
without
respect
 toward their own
parents
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 The example is the principal way to learn
values
 ,
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
learn by repeating
ours
Correct the word
our
show examples
behaviors .
For example
 , if my son looks at me, always
anger
Replace the word
angry
show examples
and impatient when I come back home, they will repeat
this
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
behavior
 when they arrive from their school.
To conclude
, giving a look
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
the general
situation
 , can be seen that if we reinforce the
importance
 of the
others
Change noun form
other's
others'
show examples
values
 we can address
this
situation
 . Incorporating subjects in
schooll
Correct your spelling
school
since
Change preposition
in
show examples
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
 years
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can give
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the kids the knowledge that they need to turn in a good way
this
situation
 .
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
home ,
parents
 must escape from their routines and get time to share with their sons and
teaching
Wrong verb form
teach
show examples
 the
values
 as behaviors that
complements
Change the verb form
complement
show examples
each other.
Submitted by mehrankingwilling on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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