In many parts of the world, children are given more freedom than in the past. Is this a positive or negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It has become common knowledge in some regions worldwide that children are given more liberty compared to several years ago.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
might have some positive impacts in some cases, I believe that it would have destructive consequences for them in the
not too distant
Add a hyphen
not-too-distant
show examples
future. A multitude of rationales could be cited
why
Change preposition
as to why
show examples
giving freedom to the young generation would be detrimental, one of which can be that teens lack decisive knowledge. Not only are they less experienced, but they are
also
Linking Words
more emotional, meaning that they cannot distinguish between bad and good without a third-person perspective.
As a result
Linking Words
, They would take
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
action at their peril. As a case in point, in Iran, many under-graduated students tend to change their academic fields which are chosen by themselves freely at the age of 15 just because they were not wise enough to select the appropriate area of specialization. In
this
Linking Words
case, if they were guided and not given freedom in their childhoods, they could be more successful
matures
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in the future. Another downside would be that youngsters are more prone to criminal activities than past 
due to
Linking Words
technological development. Being at sensitive ages, they can be strongly affected by their social acquaintances or violent movies as they are permitted to access the internet without any restriction. A bright example would be that by watching a Hollywood film, they would be spurred to try various drugs or smoking, leading them to addiction.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
kind of liberty allowing them to explore online freely is disadvantageous. In conclusion, children have become much freer than before and
this
Linking Words
would have devastating consequences for their lives.
Submitted by namvarehsan7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting sentences that logically follow.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more fully and provide more specific examples to support your points.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: