IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say that when deciding how taxes should be spent, governments should prioritise health care. Other people believe that there are more important priorities for taxpayers' money. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #taxes #governments #prioritise #health #care #priorities #taxpayers #money
Several individuals support that when it comes to taxes, governments should
be having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 as priority public
health
 maintenance. Other individuals believe that governments should
be having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
a preference for other
issues
 in the matter of taxpayer payments. I believe that well-being comes first with respect to public welfare. The people who believe that politics should be giving more attention to
health
 protection assume that public
health
 is an important measure for any society. The reason for
this
 belief is related to the functional structure of both political authorities and the community.
Likewise
, I presume that public
health
care
 outlines the importance of an exceptional society's function.
For instance
, a significant number of countries have weak systems of
health
care
, like Greece. In
this
 vein, when a global
health
 crisis comes,
such
 as Covid 19, the countries with low budgets and undeveloped
health
 facilities will not be ready to confront
this
health
 crisis with the necessary means, because of their lack of them. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, there are citizens who support that governments should be investing the money of taxes in more significant
issues
.
This
 opinion
rises
Correct your spelling
arises
show examples
 from the concern that there are high
leveled
Change the spelling
levelled
show examples
 and more relevant
issues
 which the authorities neglect. In
this
 case, I personally believe
that is
also
 essential for the political authorities to give more attention to other fields,
such
 as education and illiteracy. To
further
 illustrate
this
 point, the lack of education and the high rate of illiteracy might affect the public welfare as a total in society.
As a result
,
this
 point could cause high unemployment rates and lead to undernutrition and homelessness and that could be definitely not functional in a community. On balance, I believe that both sides have critical arguments about the importance of
health
care
 and the importance of other
issues
. My opinion tends to agree more with those who outline the priority of taxpayers' money on public
health
care
.
Submitted by michaelam98 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas more smoothly throughout the essay. Use transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your introduction provides a clear overview of the topic and your opinion. Consider restating the question prompt and presenting a thesis statement that clearly outlines your stance.
task achievement
You have addressed the task by discussing both views and providing your opinion. To enhance task achievement, consider further expanding on the opposing view before presenting your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Fundamental need
  • 2. Economic growth and development
  • 3. Workforce productivity
  • 4. Preventive health care
  • 5. Cost-effective
  • 6. Long-term outcomes
  • 7. Health disparities
  • 8. Social equity
  • 9. Socioeconomic status
  • 10. Vulnerable populations
  • 11. Infrastructure
  • 12. Quality of life
  • 13. Knowledgeable workforce
  • 14. Economic propellers
  • 15. Balanced approach
  • 16. Diverse allocation
  • 17. Societal development
  • 18. Robust economic performance
  • 19. Public funds
  • 20. Health system burden
What to do next:
Look at other essays: