IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but others believe it is not the government's responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #health #care #education #responsibility
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It's true that
,
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apply
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 few people believe the
government
Use synonyms
's responsibility is to supply from the financial side healthcare and education. Others think that it is not
them
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their
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 business. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both views and provide my opinions.
To begin
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 with, it's undeniable that, the
government
Use synonyms
 should provide health care and education sectors from material and spiritual sites if the sectors
under
Add a missing verb
are under
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 the
government
Use synonyms
's poverty.
This
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 is because, nowadays, in our community, opening a lot of buildings. Many parts of them
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
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 personal objects. As an example, within two-year , many businessmen held
opening
Add an article
an opening
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ceremony
Fix the agreement mistake
ceremonies
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at
Change preposition
in
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 different parts of the country, their business areas,
such
Linking Words
 as shopping
centers
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centres
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, educational zones and many more becoming popular among the population.
According to
Linking Words
in
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apply
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my
countries
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country's
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 annual reports about buildings,
in
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apply
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this
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 time started numerous business ideas to
making
Wrong verb form
make
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 money, where
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the majority part of the zones are not under the ministry's possession.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many people believe that
,
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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authority is not
duty
Correct article usage
a duty
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for
Change preposition
to
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 them, but it is
firstly
Linking Words
 depending on the ownership of the area.
For example
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, it's undeniable that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 a lot of governmental buildings,
such
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 as hospitals, schools, and society still need the
government
Use synonyms
's support from the financial side,
although
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 there are
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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many rich workers. To quote
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, anyway without
the
Correct article usage
apply
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governmental rules, our country, and work sectors already become useless, unless
pay
Change the verb form
paying
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 attention. In conclusion,
in
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apply
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spite
of
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apply
show examples
the
government
Use synonyms
's drawbacks still remained, and I believe that the ministry will change
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 control structure in the near future. For that, they should approach with clarity and humility
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every internal
problems
Change to a singular noun
problem
show examples
.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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