IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Education for young people is important in many countries. However, others think government should spend more money for education in adult population who cannot read and write. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#education #people #countries #government #money #adult #population
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In
this
Linking Words
 period of
modernity
Add a comma
,modernity
show examples
 many people are believing that study is
must
Correct article usage
a must
show examples
 who are young,
Also
Linking Words
 in the first phase of their
Use synonyms
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 development.
While
Linking Words
 others reject
this
Linking Words
 notion and claim that ministry should
focous
Correct your spelling
focus
 on
Use synonyms
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 of that
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
, who are not even able to write and read.
In my
Change preposition
My
show examples
 opinion, I strongly agree with
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 notion, that the
government
Use synonyms
 should invest in youth and my opinion will be discussed in
further
Linking Words
 paragraphs with a suitable conclusion. Supporting my agreement to the given statement,I firmly believe that authority should
authority should
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
make plans
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
education
Use synonyms
 development of the pupils.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should keep an eye on the rural area, where
schools
Use synonyms
 and colleges are not updated with the current level of technology.
However
Linking Words
,In many countries, those children who are getting knowledge in suburban
area's
Fix the agreement mistake
areas'
show examples
schools
Use synonyms
 are weak in many aspects of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,In an interview, which is conducted by ABC news channels, they said rural areas pupils are intelligent and smart but they down in
such
Linking Words
 things,
English
Change preposition
as English
show examples
, games,
swimming
Correct word choice
and swimming
show examples
.
Due to
Linking Words
 that, they
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
employability. 
In addition
Linking Words
, explaining some of
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another supporting points
Replace the adjective
another supporting point
other supporting points
show examples
 in favour
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
of this
show examples
 statement, it is true that if
government
Use synonyms
 show their empathy regarding the safety of urban area
schools
Use synonyms
, it would help to make
growth
Add an article
the growth
show examples
 of
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
.nowadays,
schools
Use synonyms
 are not
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
safe,
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 we heard about
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
shooting
Fix the agreement mistake
shootings
show examples
 in
schools
Use synonyms
 or colleges.
For instance
Linking Words
, recently in America one of
Correct article usage
the student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 had
gun
Add an article
a gun
show examples
 and he attacked
on
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 school. So I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
government
Use synonyms
 should
focous
Correct your spelling
focus
 on these things
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because children are the future of the country. In conclusion,those who are members of the
education
Use synonyms
, should
engaged
Change the verb form
engage
show examples
 some activities regarding the both who future of the country and those who are currently helping in
growth
Add an article
the growth
show examples
 of the country.
Submitted by pawanpreetkaur653 on

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The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • education
  • young people
  • government
  • money
  • adult population
  • read
  • write
  • development
  • nation
  • improve
  • quality of life
  • investing
  • reduced
  • poverty
  • income inequality
  • funds
  • balancing
  • budget allocation
  • crucial
  • equal access
  • opportunities
  • promoting
  • literacy
  • numeracy
  • positive effects
  • society
What to do next:
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