In some countries an increasing number of children are overweight as a result of eating too much fast food. It is necessary for governments to ban selling this kind of food in schools. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #children #food #governments #ban #schools

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

this

Linking Words

contemporary era, fast food usage has been one of the most important causes of obesity in young people. It is argued that governments should

make

Verb problem

apply

show examples

forbid the selling of fatty

foods

Use synonyms

like pizza and hamburgers. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

mention my agreement reasons for

this

Linking Words

issue. For the first reason in supporting my issue, I would notice the benefits of healthy food

foods

Use synonyms

benefits. If fatty sandwiches become forbidden in schools, students have to eat nutritious edibles that help them to lessen their weight. For the second profit, their received calory decreases and it leads to losing weight. And

finally

Linking Words

, pupils' nutrition habits can be corrected. If they use healthy

foods

Use synonyms

for a

while

Linking Words

consequently

Linking Words

their tendency for eating high-calorie

foods

Use synonyms

decreases.

on the other hand

Linking Words

, serving high-calorie

foods

Use synonyms

in schools has lots of negative impacts. The vast effect of it

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

is the obesity problem. A huge number of diseases are caused by fatness. obese children will shape sick adults in the next decades and it will have lots of costs for the governments and the country in order to cure them.

In addition

Linking Words

, ill adults will suffer in their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

and will not have an enjoyable youth ness. They may have some serious diseases like diabetes, liver diseases

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

heart attacks or even brain strokes,

although

Linking Words

they are in their twenties or thirties. In conclusion, for the rationales which I mentioned in

this

Linking Words

essay, I agree with banning fast food serving in schools by the governments, in order to decrease the overweight problems in the youngsters.

Submitted by arsalan.azizzadeh on Thu Mar 30 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

Ensure to clearly address all parts of the task prompt and provide more specific examples to support your points.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is good. Work on improving the structure to make the essay more cohesive and connected.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

260 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
More and More wild animals are on the verge of annihilation and others are on the rare list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve the problem.
Annihilation of wild animals is increasing day by day and some are very rare to see. In this essay, firstly I will discuss the reasons for this problem and then provide solutions to overcome this issue.
4
band
It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinino? What sort of punishments should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children.
Children plays vital role in everybodylife . Nowdays , children catch things faster but does not aware of bad and good surroundings around them . I whole agree with the statement that it is very important for children to know about the difference between good and bad things and guardians or teachers can give some sort of punishments if kidz not going in right direction. By nurturing them in right environment and teach them some basic things in class to make them better will prove this .
6
band
Successful sport professionals earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified, while others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion
One of the most controversial topics today relates to whether it is fair for athletes to be paid more than other essential workers or not. While some individuals claim that it is acceptable, others oppose it. In this essay, I elaborate on both views and describe my standpoint.
8.5
band
Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
There are different attitudes towards the best approach to gaining a better job position among other applicants. While some people believe that obtaining a qualification from a university is the most significant factor in this regard, others argue that developing soft skills and having relevant experience play a vital role in receiving a better offer. In my opinion, all these matters differ from one job position to another.
5.5
band
Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant examples if necessary.
It is often argued that it is more advantageous to choose a job with high wage, even if it doesn't appeal to you at all. I completely disagree with this opinion and think that job satisfaction is much more important than salary.

In some countries an increasing number of children are overweight as a result of eating too much fast food. It is necessary for governments to ban selling this kind of food in schools. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

More and More wild animals are on the verge of annihilation and others are on the rare list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve the problem.

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinino? What sort of punishments should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children.

Successful sport professionals earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified, while others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant examples if necessary.