In some countries an increasing number of children are overweight as a result of eating too much fast food. It is necessary for governments to ban selling this kind of food in schools. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #children #food #governments #ban #schools

this

contemporary era, fast food usage has been one of the most important causes of obesity in young people. It is argued that governments should

make

Verb problem

apply

show examples

forbid the selling of fatty

foods

like pizza and hamburgers. In

this

essay, I

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

mention my agreement reasons for

this

issue. For the first reason in supporting my issue, I would notice the benefits of healthy food

foods

benefits. If fatty sandwiches become forbidden in schools, students have to eat nutritious edibles that help them to lessen their weight. For the second profit, their received calory decreases and it leads to losing weight. And

finally

, pupils' nutrition habits can be corrected. If they use healthy

foods

for a

while

consequently

their tendency for eating high-calorie

foods

decreases.

on the other hand

, serving high-calorie

foods

in schools has lots of negative impacts. The vast effect of it

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

is the obesity problem. A huge number of diseases are caused by fatness. obese children will shape sick adults in the next decades and it will have lots of costs for the governments and the country in order to cure them.

In addition

, ill adults will suffer in their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

and will not have an enjoyable youth ness. They may have some serious diseases like diabetes, liver diseases

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

heart attacks or even brain strokes,

although

they are in their twenties or thirties. In conclusion, for the rationales which I mentioned in

this

essay, I agree with banning fast food serving in schools by the governments, in order to decrease the overweight problems in the youngsters.

Submitted by arsalan.azizzadeh on Thu Mar 30 2023

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task response

Ensure to clearly address all parts of the task prompt and provide more specific examples to support your points.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is good. Work on improving the structure to make the essay more cohesive and connected.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

260 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some countries an increasing number of children are overweight as a result of eating too much fast food. It is necessary for governments to ban selling this kind of food in schools. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many people use distance-learning programs to study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring benefits as much as attending college or university. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

These days’ people have too many choices for clothing. Why do you think this is the case? Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

The health benefits of physical exercise are well-known. Despite this, a lot of people do not exercise regularly. What are the readons for this? What would be done to exercise more often?

Some people think that there will be an increased dependence on intelligent robots in the future. Others think that robots will have negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.