IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays many people have an unhealthy diet and do not exercise regularly. What are the reasons behind this trend? How can we encourage these people to live a healthy lifestyle?

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In recent times, it has been noted that
people
Use synonyms
 are consuming more and more junk and ready-made
food
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, they are not performing any physical activity.
in
Capitalize word
In
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this
Linking Words
 essay I will elaborate on its causes and steps to overcome
this
Linking Words
 trend.
Firstly
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, in
this
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 fast-forward world,
people
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 do not have enough
time
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.
Although
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,
people
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 know the consequences of readymade
food
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, they are consuming it because they are running short of
time
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. hectic work schedule is not allowing them to focus on their body shape.
In addition
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,
due to
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 digitalization and increasing demand for jobs with technology, individuals are forced to
seat
Verb problem
sit
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 for a longer
time
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. which results in obesity.
For instance
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, one research indicates that 60% of IT field professionals are suffering from obesity. They
are spending
Wrong verb form
spend
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 most of their
time
Use synonyms
seating
Verb problem
sitting
show examples
 in one place to complete a project. After working for a number of hours, they are tired and moving towards easily available and cheap in cost junk
food
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 items and not involved in physical activities.
Secondly
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, as a solution to encourage their
employers
Correct your spelling
employees
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, organizations can provide certain facilities like an open gym at office premises or distribute free yoga class coupons.
Also
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, they can encourage their employees to a brisk walk
while
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 coming office.
Moreover
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, Government authorities can run campaigns on healthy lifestyles to educate
people
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 about healthy lifestyles by showing the demerits of unhealthy
food
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 items.
As a result
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, the public will understand it and will take
time
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 to improve their body shape.
To conclude
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, in
this
Linking Words
 fast-forward life,
people
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 have less
time
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 to cook at home and do sports.
Hence
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, they are moving towards unhealthy lifestyles.
However
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, with the help of some multinational companies, institutes and governments can control it by educating
people
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.

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt adequately and provides relevant reasons for the unhealthy lifestyle trend, as well as suggestions for encouraging a healthy lifestyle. The essay demonstrates a general understanding of the topic and maintains a clear focus on the given task.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is generally clear, with a basic introduction and conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in organizing supporting points within paragraphs and ensuring a more cohesive and coherent development of ideas throughout the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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