For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #reason #work #money

Several people find that the main reason for working too much is

making

Wrong verb form

to make

show examples

money. I disagree fundamentally over

this

point of view. I will

also

explain my reasons for

this

issue as

this

essay continues. Many individuals do not

work

just for money. They have more important reasons. They

work

, because not only do they like accomplishing that performance but

also

, they get positive energy

while

implementing that.

Hence

, they struggle hard in order to be more satisfied with themselves.

In addition

, it seems that a person does a job to feel more beneficent for his society.

Accordingly

, he works for long hours to make more profit for the community.

For instance

, teaching in government schools is not a well-paid job in Iran.

However

, a great number of folks are teachers and even, because of the teaching force

lack

Verb problem

apply

show examples

they overwork for free.

Furthermore

, sometimes some employees

work

absolutely hard to forget the personal hardships that have occurred in their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

. They prefer being in their workplace and working until ungodly hours.

As a result

, they concentrate on their projects and escape from thinking about their miseries.

For example

, my aunt missed his son in an accident many years ago.

Consequently

, she used to

work

a lot and sometimes

bring

Wrong verb form

brought

show examples

her backlogs to her house to

work

on them even

until

Change preposition

during

show examples

the small hours. In conclusion, some believe that implementing a career is because of providing financial resources.

However

, I think differently. Some workforces, do

much task

Change the quantifier

many tasks

show examples

firstly

to receive a good deal of pleasant feeling and be gratified of themselves.

Secondly

, in order to not be obsessive about the challenges in their personal life.

Submitted by s.qanbarzadeh2020 on Sat Apr 01 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay is well-structured and follows a clear progression, but there is room for improvement in connecting the ideas more cohesively and ensuring a more comprehensive response to the task question.

task response

The essay provides a response to the task question but needs to offer a more comprehensive and well-developed argument. It should include a balanced consideration of both points of view and provide a more detailed analysis.

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

275 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial stability
necessities
monetary rewards
quality of life
luxury items
dependents
responsibility
pursue
personal interests
cultural pressures
wealth accumulation
fulfillment
visible measure
correlate
secure future
comfortable lifestyle
entertainment

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For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Which is more appropriate? Renting or buying houses?

Consumers are faced with an increasing number of advertising by competing companies To what extent do you think consumers are affected ? What measurements can be taken to tackle the problem?

Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Robots and artificial intelligence are being developed to replace humans in the workplace. Why is this happening? Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact on society

Many people believe that family has a greater influence on a child’s life and development than other factors like friends, TV, music and so on. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?