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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table below gives information about changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000.Average distance in miles travelled per person per year

The table below gives information about changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000.Average distance in miles travelled per person per year
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Data on different transportation and average distance by miles per year travelled by English people in the year 1985 and 2000. Looking at the table, it can be seen that the highest type of vehicle used is
cars
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the lowest number was obtained by taxis and bicycles. An increased number of people
also
Linking Words
 travelled in the year 2000. In 1985 almost 60 per cent of commuters ride
cars
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 a minimal number opt to hire taxis and bicycles. Long-distance buses followed
cars
Use synonyms
 in terms of usage but the local bus was low on average. An increased trend in
overall
Linking Words
 numbers of travellers, more than 40 per cent, were reported, and they preferred
cars
Use synonyms
, and long-distance buses,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, other types like local buses, taxis, bicycles and walking modes declined.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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