IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Some parents believe that watching TV and playing computer games should be limited and substituted by reading books. Do you agree or disagree ?

#parents #tv #computer #games #books
For every
parents
Change to a singular noun
parent
show examples
 their
childrenʼs
Correct your spelling
children
 watching TV and playing
videogames
 the most
panicful
Correct your spelling
painful
 situation,
Add a missing verb
is lf
show examples
lf
Correct your spelling
if
 they give their too much
time
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
.I agree with that so donʼt give
telephone
Add an article
the telephone
show examples
 to them or make their
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 books.From my
perspective
Add a comma
,perspective
show examples
 I agree with
proposal
Add an article
the proposal
show examples
.
This
 essay will
demonstarate
Correct your spelling
demonstrate
 why its proponents are correct. Many kids and teenagers give their precious
time
 to
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
.They watch shorts on
You Tube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
 or Instagram.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 they play so many
kind
Change to a plural noun
kinds
show examples
 of
videogames
Correct your spelling
video games
show examples
.
From
Change preposition
In
show examples
 that
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
ways
Add a comma
,ways
show examples
 they can
lost
Change the verb form
lose
show examples
 their
time
.Some girls watch serials on TV.What is the benefit
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 it?My peers play
videogames
Correct your spelling
video games
show examples
instead
 of preparing for university.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 using print media had a negative effect on the eyes.Today mothers give
telephone
Add an article
the telephone
show examples
 to their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
.But they donʼt care about future
health
.So that every
parents
Change to a singular noun
parent
show examples
 care about their
health
 .
Fruthermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
 in my opinion  they need
control
Fix the infinitive
to control
show examples
 childʼs life and
health
.
To conclude
, considering the
aformentioned
Correct your spelling
aforementioned
 points it can be inferred that watching TV,playing
videogames
Correct your spelling
video games
show examples
 and using
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
 can
infulance
Correct your spelling
influence
 to
out
Correct your spelling
our
show examples
health
 and
this
 is waste of
time
.If want to live
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 and
devoloped
Correct your spelling
developed
 future,we need
give
Fix the infinitive
to give
show examples
 up our bad habits.
Submitted by brookland.school.uzb on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: