IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers. Others believe that a woman’s role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice

#people #women #chances #work #careers #woman’s #role #care #house #children #support #choice
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As we are living in an era filled with challenges in all walks of
life
 with a cutting-edge world of technology and
prosperous
Correct article usage
a prosperous
show examples
 economy accompanied by
life
 and
work
 issues of getting
job
 opportunities with affordable income to maintain a better
life
 and meet the needs of both
men
 and
women
 as well.
However
,
although
 a number of people believe that
women
 should stay at home and take
of
Replace the word
off
show examples
 their children,
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
others embrace the notion that
women
 should share
this
 settled
life
 financially as well and they are definitely able to manage both
house
Change to a plural noun
houses
show examples
 and
work
 successfully. In my opinion, I strongly believe the second belief for
women
 to
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equal
job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 for many benefits. One obvious reason is that
women
 proved to be
professiont
Correct your spelling
professional
professions
 in their
work
 ,if not equal with their partners, more competent and disciplined for most careers.
For instance
, as we live in a thriving social and economic development, many
job
 opportunities have opened their gates for
women
 to get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
career
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 various government sectors
such
 as medical, financial,
even
Correct word choice
and even
show examples
 military ministries.
In other words
, new
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
women
 students have just graduated from the military royal ministry to share
this
 kind of
job
 which some people assume that only limited to
men
.
Consequently
, the female
receive
Change the verb form
receives
show examples
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 to manage their house and children to send them
learn
Add the particle
to learn
show examples
 in
a better educational schools
Correct the article-noun agreement
better educational schools
a better educational school
show examples
 and afford other courses to enhance their
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 in
life
. After
work
, they
also
 can observe and take care of them and cook observe and support them in what they encounter and attempt
dealing
Change the verb form
to deal
show examples
 with difficulties,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
unlike
Add the comma(s)
,unlike
show examples
men
, they cannot
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
multitasking
Wrong verb form
multitask
show examples
 merely seeking relaxation after working. Another beneficial role in integrating
women
 in the
work
 markets is that they have mutual responsibilities with their husbands to manage their lives which
Add a missing verb
is
show examples
hard for
men
 to afford and be responsible
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 themselves. Since we live nowadays in higher prosperous living in all fields, more demanding salaries
preferred
Add a missing verb
are preferred
show examples
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
 they will definitely manage together and have more satisfaction to improve their lives. In conclusion, I think
women
 successfully proved and played
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
considerable assistance beside their partner males to manage their lives socially and financially.
Submitted by faf_8000 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender equality
  • Women empowerment
  • Breaking stereotypes
  • Equal opportunities
  • Career advancement
  • Progressive societies
  • Work-life balance
  • Changing perceptions
  • Successful women
What to do next:
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