IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that it is the responsibility of individuals to save money for their own care after they retire. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #responsibility #individuals #money #care
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Taking
caring
Replace the word
care
show examples
 after
retirement
Use synonyms
 is an important aspect infecting
citizens
Use synonyms
’ well-being.
However
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
such
Linking Words
task
Correct article usage
a task
show examples
 really lands on individuals themselves
instead
Linking Words
 of offering by the
government
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, to address
this
Linking Words
 issue and make it expensive but practical , both
citizens
Use synonyms
 and
government
Use synonyms
are requires
Change the verb form
are required
show examples
 to pitch in and take a portion respectively. Admittedly,
Use synonyms
citizens’
Correct your spelling
citizens
show examples
 are entitled to save
money
Use synonyms
 to look after themselves when they get retired. As
regarding
Wrong verb form
regards
show examples
to
Remove the preposition
apply
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current population
that is
Linking Words
 continuing to grow, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 in
retirement
Use synonyms
 is never reducing.
As a result
Linking Words
, the well-being and
care
Use synonyms
 system has been suffering a tremendous shock ,which might lead to a terrible consequence in which funding offered by
government
Use synonyms
 and non-profit organizations
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 used up quickly.
Therefore
Linking Words
, for
people
Use synonyms
 who don’t save enough
money
Use synonyms
 , when
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
a government
show examples
 cannot afford
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 is needed, a series of problems will come up, from battling
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 issues with no
day
Correct your spelling
daycare
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 to dealing with chores inconveniently. But if
people
Use synonyms
 are able to pay for those services, they will gain a higher quality of well-being and enjoy their
retirement
Use synonyms
 without worrying.
However
Linking Words
, that doesn’t mean
citizens
Use synonyms
 are entitled to pay for all of the
bill
Change to a plural noun
bills
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. In my opinion, when it comes to taking
care
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
citizens
Change preposition
of citizens
show examples
 in
retirement
Use synonyms
, it is
Use synonyms
government’s
Correct article usage
the government’s
show examples
 obligation to launch practical policies in taking
care
Use synonyms
 of the
people
Use synonyms
 to release individuals’ financial burden.
For example
Linking Words
, by assigning
retirement
Use synonyms
 funding monthly, the basic life needs are backed up, especially for disabilities or
people
Use synonyms
 who are too old to take
care
Use synonyms
 of themselves, it’s definitely a validation to support themselves.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should find the deep reason behind the difficulties of taking
care
Use synonyms
, one
Change preposition
of, one
show examples
 status quo is that medical
care
Use synonyms
 is
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
 cost to maintain.
Therefore
Linking Words
, reducing the cost of medical treatments for
people
Use synonyms
 in
retirement
Use synonyms
 can be super helpful, which goes beyond offering
money
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, individuals should save
money
Use synonyms
 to support their lives when getting retired, yet effective policies launched by governments are needed. With continued to think about
Use synonyms
citizens’s
Remove the s
citizens’
show examples
 well-being and take practical actions, a humane society that can
benefits
Change the verb form
benefit
show examples
 both
citizens
Use synonyms
 and governments with
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
ongoing well-being .
Submitted by noahchonge on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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