IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their personal lives and professional lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risk outweigh the disadvantages

#people #risks #lives #risk
Risk taking
Add a hyphen
Risk-taking
show examples
 should be an integral part of
people
's personal and professional lives. Personally, I think that taking risks has great returns as compared to the downsides of it. In
this
 essay,
firstly
 I will talk about the advantages and in the next paragraph the disadvantages of taking risks and eventually I will conclude by stating my opinion. Taking risks has great bound returns if it is acted upon after taking into
considerations
Fix the agreement mistake
consideration
show examples
 all the calculative measures. When considering
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 of all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different professions, the ones who leap onto the next stage of their career often have
this
 innate
ability
of considering
Replace the preposition
to consider
show examples
 all the possible scenarios of them taking that next step which can skyrocket their career trajectory and they often take that decision based on judging their own
ability
 and having confidence in their skill.
Further
Add a comma
,Further
show examples
this
ability
 of them when translated into their personal life can have great returns like solidifying their interpersonal relationships with
people
 based on honest conversations.
Overall
, going that extra mile can help an individual to score bigger on the scale of return that they get. Contrary to the benefits, there can
also
 be a downtrend for the person as factoring in all the possible external factors is not possible. Even when you feel in control of your decisions after all the possible statistics that you run
in
Change preposition
through
show examples
 your mind, the equation can sometimes completely change and your calculation can completely go awry. There are many cases of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 in different fields who took that leap and it was completely disastrous for them. There is
also
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
another component that can
paly
Correct your spelling
play
show examples
 a role and
that is
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
personal bias which can lead to us being at the mercy of our own brain in terms of gauging our own
ability
 to succeed.
Same
Correct article usage
The same
show examples
 holds true for that
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our individual lives as we are not great at effectively understanding someone as we humans are complex creatures and that can make things go south. Summing it up, if we weigh the
risk to reward
Add a hyphen
risk-to-reward
show examples
 ratio
then
 the gain of going that extra mile is worth it rather than the fear stopping you.
Additionally
, one thing that we can use to be sure of our decision is to
also
 learn about the psychology of
brain
Correct article usage
the brain
show examples
 and our own biases which can lead to us confidently
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 that mark in
this
 world at every level of our life for which we were born.
Submitted by patelharnish38 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: