IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

.Some education systems make students focus on certain subjects at the age of 15, while others require students to study a wide range of subjects until they leave school. What are the benefits of each system?

#education #systems #students #focus #subjects #age #study #range #school #system
There are controversial perspective heating debates over the best way to pass on knowledge to
students
 until they graduate from high school.
While
 some claim that
students
 should focus on core
subjects
 until the age of 15,the opposite makes a statement that they ought to
study
 a wide range of
subjects
 until 18 years old. Without a shadow of a doubt,
students
 need to
study
 a considerable number of
subjects
.Some
education
Replace the word
educators
show examples
 believed that studying a wide range of
subjects
 will help
students
 prepare well before getting access to college.
For example
, when
students
 go to universities they will approach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many in-depth
subject
Change to a plural noun
subjects
show examples
such
 as Finance,marketing,BA and many more.
So that
Correct word choice
So
show examples
 learning many
subjects
 in advance will help them not be shocked when entering university.
Hence
,
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
 range of
subjects
 is good for
preparation
Add an article
the preparation
show examples
 of
students
 before reaching
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 stage of their life.
On the other hand
,
students
 who
study
 only a few
subjects
 have more time for other purposes than those studying so many. With fewer
subjects
 to learn,
students
 can develop their other talents and have less academic pressure through extracurricular activities
such
 as camping or going hiking.
While
 in the former, it will help the country have many talents in various fields and help the nation go up.
While
 in the latter.activity helps
students
 relieve pressure at school and recharge their energy,
whereas
 the latter is a good way of reviewing the lesson taught in class.
Thus
,these activities increase their
study
 efficiency and academic performance, so
such
 an education system is much better than that forcing
students
 to learn various
subjects
. In conclusion,
although
 learning a lot of knowledge is good, it will put a lot of pressure on
students
 and ignore other talents of
students
.So I believe that a
study
 program with not so many classes is more beneficial to
students
 who can have more time for deeper
study
 or relaxation.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!