IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Shopping is the favorite pastime for most of young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities?

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Often shopping is considered a form of waste of
time
Use synonyms
, but it is maybe the most common and less toxic way to get out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 our stressful routine, and not only for a juvenile.
While
Linking Words
 someone could relax
drinking
Change preposition
by drinking
show examples
 a bottle of wine,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could
prefer
Add the particle
toprefer
show examples
 spend money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 useless objects in order to have a moment of fun. We should not criminalize
this
Linking Words
 behaviour, it is strictly linked to our nature as
human-beings
Correct your spelling
human beings
show examples
 First of all, I think we
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 moral duty to do always something useful. We cannot avoid our need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 free
time
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
nevertheless
Add a comma
,nevertheless
show examples
 I think
this
Linking Words
 is
also
Linking Words
 a way to increase our productivity at work. We have to coercively separate our
time
Use synonyms
 in
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
 from the
time
Use synonyms
 we can spend even in shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, we cannot do in every moment something
due to
Linking Words
raise
Change the verb form
raising
show examples
 our capability as workers.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it is obvious
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people want to spend the money coming from their labour with the only aim to have
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
instant
Add an article
the instant
show examples
 gratification
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 hours and hours spent looking at a computer.
Hence
Linking Words
,
for instance
Linking Words
, the desire of my mother, who is been working for 30 years as a teacher,
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 buy a new pair of shoes is absolutely understandable. In conclusion, we cannot knock down on working for all our
time
Use synonyms
: the more you work, the more you are stressed. We need free
time
Use synonyms
, even spent shopping, in order to have a better life. We all have to brush up on how to have
an
Change the article
a
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 and equilibrated life.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pastime
  • encouraged
  • useful activities
  • self-expression
  • creativity
  • sense of accomplishment
  • satisfaction
  • social interaction
  • bonding
  • escaping
  • daily routine
  • stress
  • instant gratification
  • pleasure
  • keeping up
  • trends
  • fashion
  • exploring
  • products
  • experiences
  • boosting
  • self-confidence
  • supporting
  • local businesses
  • economy
  • discovering
  • personal style
  • preferences
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