Shopping is the favorite pastime for most of young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Often shopping is considered a form of waste of
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, but it is maybe the most common and less toxic way to get out
from
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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our stressful routine, and not only for a juvenile.
While
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

someone could relax
drinking
Change preposition
by drinking

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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a bottle of wine,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others

It seems that other may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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could
prefer
Add the particle
toprefer

It appears that the verb spend should be in the to-infinitive form. Consider adding the word to.

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spend money
in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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useless objects in order to have a moment of fun. We should not criminalize
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

behaviour, it is strictly linked to our nature as
human-beings
Correct your spelling
human beings

The word human-beings doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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First of all, I think we
have
Add a missing verb
do have

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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not
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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moral duty to do always something useful. We cannot avoid our need
of
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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free
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

nevertheless
Add a comma
,nevertheless

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase nevertheless. Consider adding a comma.

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I think
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

a way to increase our productivity at work. We have to coercively separate our
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in
office
Correct article usage
the office

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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from the
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

we can spend even in shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres

The spelling of centers is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, we cannot do in every moment something
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

raise
Change the verb form
raising

The verb raise may be in the wrong form after the preposition to. Consider changing it to the gerund form.

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our capability as workers.
Consequently
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is obvious
the
Correct your spelling
that

The word the doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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most
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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people want to spend the money coming from their labour with the only aim to have
in
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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instant
Add an article
the instant

The noun phrase instant gratification seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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gratification
of
Change preposition
from

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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hours and hours spent looking at a computer.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
for instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the desire of my mother, who is been working for 30 years as a teacher,
of
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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buy a new pair of shoes is absolutely understandable. In conclusion, we cannot knock down on working for all our
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

: the more you work, the more you are stressed. We need free
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, even spent shopping, in order to have a better life. We all have to brush up on how to have
an
Change the article
a

The article an may be incorrect. Consider changing it to agree with the beginning sound of the following word health.

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health
Replace the word
healthy

The word health doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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and equilibrated life.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pastime
  • encouraged
  • useful activities
  • self-expression
  • creativity
  • sense of accomplishment
  • satisfaction
  • social interaction
  • bonding
  • escaping
  • daily routine
  • stress
  • instant gratification
  • pleasure
  • keeping up
  • trends
  • fashion
  • exploring
  • products
  • experiences
  • boosting
  • self-confidence
  • supporting
  • local businesses
  • economy
  • discovering
  • personal style
  • preferences
What to do next:
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