IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Shopping is the favorite pastime for most of young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities?

#pastime #people #activities
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Often shopping is considered a form of waste of
time
, but it is maybe the most common and less toxic way to get out
from
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of
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 our stressful routine, and not only for a juvenile.
While
 someone could relax
drinking
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by drinking
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 a bottle of wine,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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could
prefer
Add the particle
toprefer
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 spend money
in
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on
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 useless objects in order to have a moment of fun. We should not criminalize
this
 behaviour, it is strictly linked to our nature as
human-beings
Correct your spelling
human beings
show examples
 First of all, I think we
have
Add a missing verb
do have
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 not
the
Correct article usage
a
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 moral duty to do always something useful. We cannot avoid our need
of
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for
show examples
 free
time
,
nevertheless
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,nevertheless
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 I think
this
 is
also
 a way to increase our productivity at work. We have to coercively separate our
time
 in
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
 from the
time
 we can spend even in shopping
centers
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centres
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.
However
, we cannot do in every moment something
due to
raise
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raising
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 our capability as workers.
Consequently
, it is obvious
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people want to spend the money coming from their labour with the only aim to have
in
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apply
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instant
Add an article
the instant
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 gratification
of
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from
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 hours and hours spent looking at a computer.
Hence
,
for instance
, the desire of my mother, who is been working for 30 years as a teacher,
of
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to
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 buy a new pair of shoes is absolutely understandable. In conclusion, we cannot knock down on working for all our
time
: the more you work, the more you are stressed. We need free
time
, even spent shopping, in order to have a better life. We all have to brush up on how to have
an
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a
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health
Replace the word
healthy
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 and equilibrated life.
Submitted by tomaiuoli2003 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pastime
  • encouraged
  • useful activities
  • self-expression
  • creativity
  • sense of accomplishment
  • satisfaction
  • social interaction
  • bonding
  • escaping
  • daily routine
  • stress
  • instant gratification
  • pleasure
  • keeping up
  • trends
  • fashion
  • exploring
  • products
  • experiences
  • boosting
  • self-confidence
  • supporting
  • local businesses
  • economy
  • discovering
  • personal style
  • preferences
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