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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Ques: Being a celebrity- such as a famous film star or sports personality – brings problems as well as benefits Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

#ques #celebrity- #film #star #sports #personality #celebrity
Some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
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 thought being
celebrity
Add an article
a celebrity
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 like
as
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apply
show examples
a famous film star or sports personality
bringing
Wrong verb form
brings
show examples
 problems and benefits to others. Here is my perspective thought about being
celebrity
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a celebrity
show examples
 and what is my knowledge about them. Nowadays, being famous in our society
are
Change the verb form
is
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one
 of the main
source
Change to a plural noun
sources
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 of becoming more active in social media
such
 as idolizing them when it comes to what clothes you are wearing, what there are activities to do in
everyday
Correct pronoun usage
your everyday
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lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
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 and
people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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adapting
Correct your spelling
adopting
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this
 personality.
In addition
,
people
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
facing neurological
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 like
one
 of the most is depression
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 getting a good source for them
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
celebrity
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrities
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, they are absorbing good hormones or
happy
Correct article usage
the happy
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 sides of watching or listening to their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
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celebrity
 and forgetting the bad thoughts of being alone or thinking of some bad kind of things for themselves, In my opinion, famous
celebrity
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrities
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 are understandable to idolize
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
if it is getting a good example; but somehow they are
one
 of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
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 why some
people
 or especially young age are copying them
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not good effect
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 them
such
 as because of their popularity, young age think of doing like their actions are okay to our society, how we treat our parents and some of
people
Add an article
the people
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, they think it's okay not to study become famous
one
 is the answer to have a better future and
most
Change the adjective
apply
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worst effect they suddenly thinking hurting themselves lead to
have
Change the verb form
having
show examples
 depression. In conclusion, being
famous
Correct article usage
a famous
show examples
celebrity
 it's okay but you need to be aware
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
good example to
people
, think twice as much as they can before doing
such
Correct article usage
a thing
show examples
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
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 with moderation and more
benefitted
Replace the word
benefits
show examples
. As I mentioned before idolizing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
celebrity
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrities
show examples
 are risk of having a problem and leads to depression
however
 they can give
also
 a good side to others.
Submitted by cristelsarondo on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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