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Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, child labor has become a major concern. why it is so? What can be done to solve this problem?

Use synonyms
Children
Fix the agreement mistake
Child
show examples
Use synonyms
labor
Use the right word
labour
show examples
 is often cited as a learning issue of
21st
Correct article usage
the 21st
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 century and a top priority around the world.
This
Linking Words
 essay will show you what is cause of
Use synonyms
children
Fix the agreement mistake
child
show examples
Use synonyms
labor
Use the right word
labour
show examples
and
Verb problem
is and
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solution
Correct article usage
the solution
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 to
splve
Correct your spelling
solve
this
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 problem. On the one hand,there are multiple
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
 of
this
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 menace.
Firstly
Linking Words
,one of the biggest reasons behind
this
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 concern is
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 high
cost
Use synonyms
 of
education
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.The
cost
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 of
education
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is
Verb problem
apply
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increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
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 from time to time.A lot of
students
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 are unable to pay school
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
,so a lot of
students
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work
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 part-time.
However
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,it is very bad for the
students
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 because they can not focus on
study
Wrong verb form
studying for
show examples
 the class.
For example
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,some
students
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work
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 part-time
five
Change preposition
for five
show examples
 hours every day.
In addition
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,
students
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 have a lot of things.
Such
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 as
homeworks
Correct your spelling
homework
.So they can not
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 enough sleep.
Secondly
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,inflation is the most important cause in some countries.
This
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 is because one
parson's
Use the right word
person's
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 income can not support the others.
Also
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,single mothers,the disabled have no choice but to have their
children
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work
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 to support the family.
On the other hand
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,there are several
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 to solve
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children
Fix the agreement mistake
child
show examples
Use synonyms
labor
Use the right word
labour
show examples
.
Firstly
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,the most
solution
Correct word choice
effective solution
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 is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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to control
prices
Correct article usage
the prices
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 of basic necessities.If
lowing
Correct word choice
low
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 prices,it
easier
Verb problem
is easier
show examples
 for families to be self-sufficient and not have to put their
children
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 to.
work
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.
Furthermore
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,
Correct article usage
the goverment
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goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should more cheap to
cost
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 fo
education
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.If it is done in that way,
students
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more
Verb problem
focus more
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foucus
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
on
study
Replace the word
studying
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is because
students
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 can
getting of
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 enough sleep and
no
Verb problem
have no
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 stress. In conclusion,
inflatior
Correct your spelling
inflation
 and the
riging
Correct your spelling
rising
cost
Use synonyms
 of
education
Use synonyms
 have led to an increase in child
Use synonyms
labor
Use the right word
labour
show examples
.If most
children
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 are
laboring
Use the right word
labouring
show examples
,they can not
foucas
Correct your spelling
focus
 in class and
children
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 can not get
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
enought knowlages
Correct your spelling
enough knowledge
.It is very bad for
socirty
Correct your spelling
society
.So,
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to take action.
Such
Linking Words
 as, to control prices of basic necessities and more cheap
cost
Use synonyms
 of
education
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Your essay should clearly show what the main problem is and what can be done about it. Make sure to address each part of the question clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a main idea and support it with reasons and examples. This will make your essay easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and spelling. There are a few mistakes that can confuse the reader. For example, ‘inflation’ is not spelled correctly.
task achievement
Use specific examples and details to support your ideas better. In your essay, you mention students working part-time, but it would be good to explain how this affects their lives further.
content knowledge
You have a clear understanding of the main issues regarding child labor, such as the cost of education and inflation.
coherence and cohesion
You have separate paragraphs for causes and solutions, which is a good structure.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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