IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #aim #university #education #graduates #jobs #individuals #society
One of the social concerns today is the purpose of the college degree
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 citizens in life today.
While
 it is commonly suggested that
university
education
 will support young
people
 to get their desired job , others believe that it is not only an advantage for work , it is
also
 bringing benefits for personal and community. In my opinion, I believe that both sides have utility from the
education
 of
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
. On the one hand , it is argued that
university
education
 just helps
people
 to complete their studies and find a wishful job .
Firstly
, we can not negate the important thing college gives us is useful knowledge . Students can learn a lot of skills that are needed for future work ,
such
 as presentation, collaboration and voluntary skills . Those are essential abilities in studies and jobs.
Secondly
 , during the time minors spend at
university
, they can learn subjects and knowledge based on their coming careers .
For instance
, Youngsters who want to become doctors will study subjects related to their major .
Therefore
, it can support
people
 gaining chances
for finding
Change preposition
to find
show examples
 better jobs.
On the other hand
 , it is strongly believed by others that the aim of
university
education
 is to improve and help society.
People
 often have
this
 opinion because clearly
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
college
Change the article
a college
show examples
 is a place teaching youngsters about ethics and morals . So from those intellectuals , the minors can form character and behavior in the community. A second point is that thanks to these lessons, young
people
 can contribute knowledge and opinions to a more developed society as scientists and scholars. In conclusion, it is commonly thought that a bachelor 's degree just can benefit an individual , meanwhile, others assume that the advantage of
this
 is more spacious for society. Personally, I believe that both youngsters and the community can welfare from
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
education
.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Try to provide a clearer and more focused response to the prompt. Make sure to address both sides of the argument in a balanced manner.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is logical and well-organized. However, make sure to include a clear introduction and conclusion to improve coherence and cohesion.
Lexical Resource
Your use of vocabulary is generally good. Try to incorporate more specific and varied vocabulary to enhance your writing.
Grammatical Range
Your grammar is quite accurate, but make sure to vary your sentence structures and use more complex grammatical constructions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: