IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Nowadays more and more older people complete with younger people for the same jobs. What can be the reason for this? What would you suggest as a solution?

#people #jobs #reason
It is undeniable that the
competition
 in the employment market is escalating dramatically. It is often believed that these days Youth is experiencing
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competition
 with the elderly for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similar designations.
This
 essay will discuss the potential reason for
this
 situation and a logical solution.
Firstly
, a scarcity of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jobs and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cut-throat
competition
due to
 high employer requirements
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 impacted the job market inversely. It means, that when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older people with years of
experience
 are unable to search
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 preferred designation
due to
 their
age
 or qualification factor, they often apply for the lower level
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
post
Add an article
the post
show examples
.
Consequently
, they find themselves competing with their young ones for the same designations which certainly creates
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealty
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
competition
 in the job market.
For instance
, often it becomes certainly
challanging
Correct your spelling
challenging
 for an old
age
 employee working as an
Assisstant
Correct your spelling
Assistant
 Manager to secure a Managerial designation if the employer
a
Add a missing verb
has a
show examples
mandatory MBA degree requirement which an old
age
 employee may not have. Despite his rich
experience
Add a comma
,experience
show examples
 he is neglected and
hence
,
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to
complete
Correct your spelling
compete
show examples
 with his youngsters at
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same designation in other organisations for a slight hike in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
salary. To deal
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 situation, the employer must reserve some managerial positions for old employees with rich
experience
 despite their
age
 as the younger ones with less or no
experience
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
may not be proven as fruitful to the organization.
Submitted by ankit.heart25 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: