IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
In nowadays world, humans are struggling with many problems including the ones related to the environment
such
 as species extinction, global warming ,soil blowing and etc. It is generally believed by some that
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 issue is more
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
while
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 arguments stand for
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 problems. They classify environmental issues based on high risks for human lives. I opine all of them are concerning equally . On one hand , some
people
 argue that losing natural species has more risks . There are many creatures
who their
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
 life cycle depends on
ecosystem
Add an article
the ecosystem
show examples
. If any troubles happen to participants of one specific cycle ,other involved plants and animals may be in danger.
This
 will rise the speed and rate of extinction until most of the ecosystem
die
Change the verb form
dies
show examples
.
This
 death will decline the number of living animals providing food for
people
.
As a result
 of
this
 decrease, individuals may face elimination
due to
 growing hunger.
On the other hand
, some believe global warming and soil erosion are the main concerning issues. Air temperature is rising steadily
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the years . One of
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 consequences
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is punching
ozone
Correct article usage
the ozone
show examples
 layer which has the responsibility of protecting
Add an article
the plant
a plant
show examples
plant
Fix the agreement mistake
plants
show examples
 from space's rocks and
sun's
Correct article usage
the sun's
show examples
 harmful waves . Those waves will enter the earth's atmosphere and put resident's life in great danger . Soil eradication can make agricultural problems .
People
 will not be able to cultivate and global starvation will be started
consequently
. To sum it up , various views
are existed
Change to the active voice
exist
have existed
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 case .
People
 claim that because of the amount of each problem's
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
 on
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 life , they stand beside the importance of issues. My opinion is considered all thoughts
due to
 the fact that all of them will bring up risks for men and women.
Submitted by ha.mahsa73 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: