IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The number of older people is increasing. Some people think this is causing problems in their countries while others feel that older people play an important role in society. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #countries #role #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The world
population
Use synonyms
 has
shrinked
Correct your spelling
shrunk
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent times
due to
Linking Words
 several reasons. Some perceive that the increasing number of old
people
Use synonyms
 and a decrease in the
population
Use synonyms
 of youth is causing immense problems in their
countries
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others claim that older
people
Use synonyms
 are crucial in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perceptions in detail and explain why
this
Linking Words
 trend is a concerning one. As
people
Use synonyms
 grow old, they get accustomed to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of sharpness and
overall
Linking Words
 fitness gets negatively impacted as they start to get physically weak.
As a result
Linking Words
, they are unable to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the work demanded at workplaces
due to
Linking Words
 their physical
as well as
Linking Words
 mental limitations.
For example
Linking Words
, a security guard will struggle to stay vigilant and maintain his or her fitness in old age. Many
industries
Use synonyms
 fail to thrive and prosper as the volume of their productivity gets decreased. Considering that
industries
Use synonyms
 act like a
back-bone
Correct your spelling
backbone
show examples
 to the economy of most
countries
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 leads to economic slowdown which creates massive inconvenience collectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 state that old
people
Use synonyms
 are an important group of
people
Use synonyms
. It is often stated that since these
people
Use synonyms
 have already lived a long part of their life, they tend to utilise their experiences and do not indulge in ill
code
Fix the agreement mistake
codes
show examples
 of conduct like crime and impolite behaviour. A good illustration of
this
Linking Words
 is the fact that there is
extremely
Correct article usage
an extremely
show examples
 low crime rate
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
 elderly
people
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, there is
negligible
Correct article usage
a negligible
show examples
 crime rate or improper behaviour in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society which helps the governments to administer their country with ease.
Although
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
Use synonyms
 are comparatively more polite and considerate
due to
Linking Words
 their longer exposure to the world and
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 realities, the future still lies with the next generation. Not only they will fill the
vaccum
Correct your spelling
vacuum
 left behind in
industries
Use synonyms
 by
previous
Change the article
the previous
show examples
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
 but they will
also
Linking Words
 keep the cultures and traditions of a country alive. Take Canada for an instance,
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
population
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 prompted them to close many
industries
Use synonyms
 and their culture is steadily getting withered.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that it is imperative for
countries
Use synonyms
 to have
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 presence of youth in their
population
Use synonyms
 as they are crucial in carrying forward the businesses and traditions of the country.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay discussed both
view points
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
show examples
 regarding the increase in the older
population
Use synonyms
 around the globe. On one side, some state that elderly
people
Use synonyms
 cannot ensure the volume of productivity demanded in most
industries
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 their physical
limitation
Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
show examples
while
Linking Words
 others claim that they are
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
 part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
who
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 serve as an example with their
law abiding
Add a hyphen
law-abiding
show examples
 and considerate behaviour.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay
also
Linking Words
 highlighted that if
countries
Use synonyms
 do not possess a healthy amount of young
population
Use synonyms
, the future of their businesses and cultures may be adversely impacted.
Submitted by Mohammed Danishuddin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: