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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The line chart shows the birth rate in the USA and China from 1920 to 2000

The line chart shows the birth rate in the USA and China from 1920 to 2000
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The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries, namely the
USA
Use synonyms
, Sweden, and
Japan
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, It is clearly shown that the proportion of
people
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 who were elderly in the
USA
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 and Sweden increased from 1940 to 2040 with slight drops.
While
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 in
Japan
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 decreases starting from 1940 to 1980 before a sharp rise in the number of
people
Use synonyms
 aged 65 and over in that country. Looking at the detail, in Sweden, the
elderly
Correct quantifier usage
number of elderly
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 percentages had gradually increased since 1940. It was about 8% in 1940 and has upgraded gradually from year to year.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is forecasted that the measure will keep growing and will strike nearly four times higher, about beyond 25%, in 2040.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
USA
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 showed a rise in the amount of elderly. It only started at about 9% in 1940 and has expanded necessarily and is prognosticated to hit 20% in 2040. Turning to
Japan
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, It is distinct that there was a minor decline in the number of senior citizens from 1940 to 1990 before it showed an upward trend. It is imagined that the figure will soar compelling from 2030 onwards and reach its peak in 2040.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
Japan
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 will become the state with the most elderly
people
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 among the three provinces and the
USA
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 is the least.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words usa, japan, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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